I'm not expecting anyone to read this--I'm just writing it down for my own benefit.
She went easily. Early this morning when I was petting her fragile body and telling her about how the shot would hurt a lttle but then she'd feel so much better, she seemed relieved. And I was petting her the whole time she slipped into unconsciousness, telling her what a good friend she was.
1. When she first came to us, she was 11 years old. Her owners were moving overseas for a year, and didn't want her to have to go through the quarantine, so they asked us to take care of her while they were gone. They brought her over, 5 pounds of fluffy, beautiful anxiety and fear, with only her food bowl and litter box. When I saw that after 11 years she had nothing else that belonged to her, I knew she wasn't going back to them.
She was so scared, and immediately went to sit under a side table, where she was protected but could still see the whole room. I went out to buy her a pillow to sit on. At the store there was one lone, random chair cushion that was a beautiful deep purple velvet--just perfect for this tiny princess of a cat. I brought it home and she sniffed it, then turned around three times and settled down on it. After that she was fine, and became my little shadow.
2. She was the most beautiful cat I'd ever seen. Her head had tiger markings, but her body fur was long and wispy, almost feathery. Her coloring was pastel calico, grey and buff and cream. She had this delicate but regal quality about her (except when she was playing), and when Penelope Cruz became famous El Grande and I both thought the resemblance was striking.
Once, a burly and gruff cable repair guy was fixing a line in our apartment. He'd barely grunted in my presence, but when he saw Siggy he stopped and stared and said, "That's the most beautiful cat I've ever seen."
3. My mom always says that "A loved child has many names." Siggy had lots of them. Her original owners named her after Sigmund Freud, but that made no sense to us. She was this delicate, very feminine cat. So we decided that Siggy was short for Sigrid (a delicate, girly Norwegian name) and that her middle name was Penelope.
Most of the time I called her Siggy or Pretty Girl or Lady Cat, but judging by the array of nicknames I had for her, she was truly loved: Sigrid Penelope Picklebottom, Siggy Lou, Siggy-Lou-Hoo-Who-is-No-More-Than-Two, Princess Penelope, Siggle Marie, Siggeleh, Siggeleh Biggeleh, Monkey Cat, Grey Goose, Siggy-ya, Fluffernutter (because she was fluffy and nuts), Fo' Siggle, Duck Girl, Pumpkin Puss, Baby Cat, Sigginatrix, Lillepussen, Sig-a-Lig, Siggle McSquiggle, Siggle McCrankenheimer, Siggle-liggle-liggle-shake-your-ass-and-wiggle, etc.
4. Once before I was pregnant with El Chico, El Grande and I went on vacation for 10 days. We left Siggy with my friend at her apartment. When we left Siggy there and started to leave, she just got this sad look, as if we were leaving her forever. I felt so heartbroken about this that I sent her a postcard at my friend's house. (Which got there two days after we got back.) The look of joy on her face when we came back to get her made me cry. After that we always got someone to come stay in our apartment with her when we were gone on a long trip.
5. My mom came to stay with us when I was about to have El Chico, and Siggy knew something was up and was not happy about it. She thought my mom was the problem, so one night my mom discovered that Siggy had vomited into both of her slippers. Another night my mom (who was sleeping on an air mattress on the floor) woke up to find that Siggy was vomiting above her head. My mom stayed still as Siggy then vomited at her side, her feet, and her other side. This puke incantation proved not to do any good when El Chico showed up. On about the third day El Chico was home, Siggy suddenly realized that my mom wasn't the enemy, and they've been fast friends ever since.
6. When we brought El Chico home from the hospital, Siggy was nonplussed and forlorn. I spent most of the first few weeks on the couch with El Chico on top of me, and Siggy would hop up to lie on top of me and wedge her head in between El Chico and me so that her head was closer to mine than El C's was.
7. When El C was a few weeks old, I'd just nursed him and he was lying beside me on the bed on his back. Suddenly I detected a change in his breathing, and I looked over and saw that he was choking on a big gob of mucus and milk. By the time I sat up and started to pick him up, Siggy had run in from the living room and was meowing at me insistently to do something.
That wasn't her only baby intuition. For years, Siggy would come in and wake me 3-5 seconds before El C woke up and started crying. She did it when he was in bed with us or when he was in his crib in his own room, so it wasn't her waking him. I have no idea how she knew every single time.
8. At night she liked to come in and out of our room, and sometimes sleep with me for a few hours. Her favorite spot was to get me to put my arm out to the side and bend it to form a little well for her next to me. She'd put her front legs and head on my arm and just conk out there snuggled up next to me. Sometimes in the middle of the night I'd feel her touch my cheek gently with her paw, like she was telling me she loved me and I was a good girl.
9. When it was really hot outside, she'd camp out on top of the couch in front of the air conditioner blast. Every 30 minutes or so she'd stand up and turn her face to the AC so it would blow back her face fur at top speed, like she was a dog hanging her head out a car window.
10. She wouldn't drink water out of her bowl. For 6 years Ive been giving her water in a high-ball size drinking glass. For a long time I had to hide it, as if it was my own water that I'd forgotten about, so she could "steal" water. It was on the floor next to the couch until El C became mobile. Then it was on the windowsill behind the couch until El C started climbing, then next to her pillow behind her chair (the ratty yellow plaid one in the photo--a hand-me-down from my grandmother). In the last few months she'd drink out of the high-ball glass even if it was on the floor right next to her food. I should have known by this that she was on her way to the next place.
I miss her already.
I'm so sorry for your loss. But it sounds like she was a wonderful companion, and so were you.
Posted by: Pronoia | June 16, 2006 at 12:56 PM
That was beautiful. I'm sorry, Moxie.
Posted by: MoMo | June 16, 2006 at 01:01 PM
She had a beautiful life in a loving home. What more does any living thing need?
I know you all will miss her.
I miss having an animal companion; after reading your list it's a physical hurt. They are really so special.
Sorry for your loss, Moxie.
Posted by: Kate | June 16, 2006 at 01:21 PM
You were so lucky to have had her. What a wonderful friend.
Posted by: Aria | June 16, 2006 at 01:56 PM
Thank you for sharing this. I thought of you all morning today.
Posted by: Menita | June 16, 2006 at 02:20 PM
Damn, and now I'm crying. I'm so sorry -- but so glad you and Siggy had the time together that you did.
Posted by: jen | June 16, 2006 at 02:22 PM
She is beautiful. I'm sorry.
Posted by: JJ | June 16, 2006 at 02:22 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like she really lucked out living in a loving home in her later years, and you had a fantastic companion. Both of my cats like to sleep just like Siggy.
Posted by: Heather | June 16, 2006 at 02:25 PM
*sob!* She sounds like a wonderfulk cat and she definitely was beautiful and loved. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posted by: iheartnewyork | June 16, 2006 at 02:45 PM
So sorry for your loss, Moxie.
Between your journey with Siggy and my just having read Marley and Me, I just can't imagine how hard it is to lose a pet.
Posted by: merseydotes | June 16, 2006 at 03:14 PM
Oh, honey, I'm sorry. She was a lovely cat.
Posted by: Brooklyn Girl | June 16, 2006 at 03:26 PM
That is a beautiful tribute to a loving and beloved friend. I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye.
Posted by: Jezer | June 16, 2006 at 03:39 PM
I'm so sorry about Siggy. We lost our dog Benny almost five years ago, and I still cry when I think of him. The writing helps. It truly does. When Benny died, Michael and I sat down together and wrote up a list of things he taught us. We called it the Tao of Benny.
I keep them posted up next to my desk and look at them often.
Posted by: foodmomiac | June 16, 2006 at 03:42 PM
I can identify too closely with 3, 6, 7, 8.
I am so glad that you got to know her. What a great cat. Thank you for sharing her.
Posted by: wix | June 16, 2006 at 03:44 PM
How lucky you were to have found each other. I know you'll be imagining you see her out of the corner of your eye or thinking "Where's Siggy?" for weeks. Pets are such a big thing in a home.
(My brother's cats will only drink out of the table fountain in the living room. Aren't cats the funniest things?)
Posted by: Bethany | June 16, 2006 at 03:46 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you have such good memories of her. It sounds like she was an awesome cat.
Posted by: Susie | June 16, 2006 at 05:32 PM
Beautiful.
You make me want to go to the animal shelter and make a home for a cat today.
Posted by: em | June 16, 2006 at 06:00 PM
Sniff - you got me with #8. I'm so sorry :(
Posted by: Linda B | June 16, 2006 at 06:22 PM
*sob*
That was just beautiful. Siggy was very lucky to have you, and vice versa.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your gorgeous old friend....
Posted by: Meri-ann | June 16, 2006 at 07:28 PM
She was gorgeous. I'm sorry she's gone.
Posted by: Milenka | June 16, 2006 at 08:32 PM
What a treat she was and those nicknames were delightful. Take care my heartbroken friend.
Posted by: Lala | June 16, 2006 at 09:22 PM
What a nice tribute. She was lucky to have you to help her go out with dignity.
Posted by: Abigail | June 16, 2006 at 09:28 PM
Sorry about your loss. Of course I read this.
Posted by: SpaceMom | June 16, 2006 at 09:29 PM
Goodbye, Siggy. What a lovely tribute, Moxie. I lost my Rocket a few years ago, and I can still hear her 'talking' and it makes me happy.
Have you read 'The 10th good thing about Barney'? I wondered from the title of your post. It's one of the most beautiful kids' book, ever, about a boy whose cat dies.
Posted by: Cory | June 16, 2006 at 10:49 PM
It isn't any easier even though you know you made the right decision. And you're right, she was a beauty.
Posted by: Jill | June 16, 2006 at 11:32 PM