After preschool yesterday we started walking toward the bookstore. When we were half a block away I asked El Chico, "Do you know what we're going to do now? We're going to go return the Dora book you took. I'd like you to hold it and when we go in you can hand it back and tell 'them' that you took it." I pulled it out from under the stroller and put it in his lap.
"No, Mama! Please don't make me say it! Please don't make me tell them. You tell them, please? Pleeeeeeaaase?!"
My mother was so right. I did have a child exactly like me. Not that I was a shoplifter, but man, am was I histrionic. One of the nicknames my mom has for me is Sarah Bernhardt. So I was hoping that he actually was that scared of going in to confess, and wasn't just working himself up into an empty lather as I know I've done in the past.
We went in and I went over to Customer Service to pretend to ask if we should go to the Children's Section. I really just wanted El Chico to have to encounter as many adults who would hear that he'd stolen the book as possible, figuring this would reinforce the message that he shouldn't do it. The lady at the Customer Service desk was too sweet, though, and she said, "Thank you! That's so nice of you to return it!" Hello? Aren't you going to help me teach my child the natural consequences of stealing? He's going to think he should steal books every day just to get approval when he brings them back! I'm sure her attitude somehow can be traced back to Timothy Leary and/or the Free Love Movement. Damn hippies.
So we got to the Children's Section, and I was dismayed to see a very sweet-looking woman at the register. She turned out to be from the islands, which worked in my favor, as one of El Chico's friends has a nany from the islands who's a little on the scary side. Initially the clerk thanked me for returning the book, but when I said that my son took it and thought nothing would happen she winked at me and started to read him out about it. That's what I'm talking about. Then she told him that if we had been caught on the way out of the store with the book we would have been taken to a back room with the security guard, who would have called the police. The police would have taken us to the police station and locked us up. I added that we would have been locked up until Daddy came to get us with a lawyer. El Chico looked very sober and said he was sorry and hid his face behind my legs. I let him off the hook by telling him to find a book I could read to him but that we wouldn't buy, and then I thanked the clerk. She laughed and thanked me for bringing it back because "most of them wouldn't do it." I know she's right about many of the parents in this city, which kind of makes me sad. It's lonely work trying to raise a Jimmy Carter instead of a Richard Nixon.
Yesterday's other project was trying to track down Hypnotic Brass Ensemble. All you Chicagoans are thinking, "Hypnotic? Yeah, whatever," but I had never heard (of) them until we saw them playing on the subway platform on the way home from church on Sunday. They're street musicians from Chicago and they're in NYC for a few weeks. I had no money on me on Sunday so I couldn't buy a CD, but El Chico and El Pequeño were mesmerized by them. After we left the subway, El Chico said, "I really liked that music." The Hypnotic guy told me they'd be on the same subway platform next Sunday, but I'm hoping to find the CD before then. I found a write-up about them here, and a blog write-up about them in NYC here that links to this MP3 of one of their songs. They have no website, but there's a number to call to buy CDs. I called it, hoping I could find out when they'd be in our part of the city again, but their mailbox was full. So El Chico and I listened to the MP3 about 8 times in a row and danced around the apartment. I hope I can find them in the next day or two.
Ah yes - the lesson teaching! A difficult but necessary aspect of being a MOM!!
Posted by: Kathy | February 07, 2006 at 01:41 PM
"It's lonely work trying to raise a Jimmy Carter instead of a Richard Nixon."
Love it!
Posted by: fishtail | February 07, 2006 at 01:52 PM
Once when I was about six or so, I was at a friend's house and broke her baby sister's rattle. Not on purpose, but I should have been more careful. (We were dancing where we shouldn't have been, and I stepped on it.)
My mom made me buy her a new one out of my allowance, and then take it to my friend's mom and apologize. I remember crying and begging her not to make me, and then her hand gently pressing on my back as I did it.
Even 34 years later, I still remember. And I'm a lot more careful around other people's stuff! :)
Posted by: Lisa | February 07, 2006 at 01:56 PM
Oh and now I just listened to the mp3. They are lovely. Let us know if you get through on the phone to get the album, ok?
Posted by: fishtail | February 07, 2006 at 02:06 PM
Is it wrong that I can't wait for my kids to take something so I can do the same thing? I love teaching them that choices have consequences!
Posted by: Linda | February 07, 2006 at 02:20 PM
Oh, Moxie. I just love you and your little peanut farmer!
Posted by: Katie/WannaBeMom | February 07, 2006 at 04:14 PM
Conventional wisdom around here is that you don't take stolen items back to stores, because instead of teaching your child a Very Important Life Lesson, they will charge the parent with shoplifting and call the police. Honestly, I'm not willing to risk it. Your non-taker-back fellow parents may have heard the same thing....
Posted by: Lisa C. | February 07, 2006 at 05:03 PM
Oh! I have seen them too, in NYC, awhile ago. I can't remember when or where, but they were awesome!
Posted by: Rachel 99 | February 07, 2006 at 05:27 PM
Oh, now I remember. It was by Union Square.
Posted by: Rachel99 | February 07, 2006 at 05:34 PM
Sorry Moxie, I have to disagree with you on this one. First of all, I think he's too young to understand the concept of stealing. I used to have preschoolers "steal" toys from my classroom all the time. Secondly, wouldn't you rather he view the police in a positive light, rather than mean men who lock up little children?
I agree with actions need consequences, but natural consequences (the shame of having to return to the store and give back a book he covets) are more important than those we as adults can create.
Just food for thought.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 07, 2006 at 05:54 PM
Good points Anonymous (if that's your real name), but I see a huge difference between taking something frlom a friend's house or school classroom or even the library, and taking something from a store. El Chico and I have had enough discussions about buying things at the bookstore and how you can't buy things when you don't have neough money, etc. that I know he knows he wasn't supposed to take it.
I hope he doesn't see the police as people who haul away little boys. We have several real-life police encounters per week (we live by and sometimes eat at a local cop hangout) and he definitely knows that they're real, kind people.
Now that I've read Lisa C's comment (which, whoa, that's just scary, and I thought NYC was tough), though, it seems completely within the realm of possibility that we could have been held in the store office and the police could have been called.
I don't know if I did the right thing. I'm hoping he doesn't take anything from a store again, although the result of that doesn't tell me whether it was the right thing to do or not, obviously.
Posted by: Moxie | February 07, 2006 at 08:41 PM
i think you did the right thing, moxie, and i think that it would really depend upon 1) the age of the child and 2) the manager on duty as to whether the cops were called here in texas (where lisa c. hails from, as well).
i have heard the same thing she's heard, but i've never actually heard of it happening to someone i know. so, whether it's texan urban legend, or if it's regularly practiced, i do think that there is some wiggle room in that policy depending upon the situation and location. stores don't -have- to enforce shoplifting laws, and the payout in loss prevention manpower, management manpower, and police manpower is going to be MUCH greater than the value of one child's book, contritely returned. simply put, it's not worth the store's hassle, re the bottom line, to call the cops on you and el chico.
next time--if there is an unfortunate next time--maybe you should call first and scope their policy. from a payphone (not that i could ever find a payphone in NYC on my last visit there, but maybe they're just off the beaten paths).
Posted by: wix | February 07, 2006 at 10:20 PM
I commented on the last post that Sunshine stole lipstick, we returned it, and the clerk said no big whoop.
Like you said "It's lonely work trying to raise Jimmy Carter instead of Richard Nixon." Put i on a t-shirt or mug Moxie and I am buying.
Posted by: Lisa V | February 07, 2006 at 11:41 PM
I am so behind you on this one, Moxie. Kids need to learn that you cannot take things that don't belong to you - whether it is from a store, a friends house, or your brother. People can always find excuses why not to do the right thing. That's what Richard Nixon's belief was. Jimmy Carter obviously thought that even if the right thing has a high price, it is still worth it. Good luck raising another Jimmy. Your are on the right track.
Posted by: carosgram | February 08, 2006 at 09:15 AM
I am commenting again just to say I second Lisa V-- if you put that on a mug, I would probably buy it and I don't even have kids (yet).
Posted by: Katie | February 08, 2006 at 01:54 PM
Moxie,
The minute I hit the "post" button, I began to feel guilty for my last post.
I'm a parent, and one of my first rules of parenthood is "don't try to tell other parents how to do it."
It's been bugging me ever since, which is why I'm apologizing!
I may have handled it differently. I may not have. My children have yet to take something from a store (though I've no doubt they will at some point) so I don't know. But that is not the point.
My hugest apologizes for being an ass. It won't happen again (well, it probably will, but I'll always apologize for it!)
Posted by: Anonymous | February 08, 2006 at 03:23 PM
OMG! Nixon vs. Carter... that's my new parenting strategy! Is there a feminine equivalent?
Posted by: Mimi | February 08, 2006 at 09:15 PM
He can be very much like Jimmy Carter, whom I seem to remember as having lust in his heart?
: )
Posted by: Menita | February 08, 2006 at 10:43 PM
This is unrelated to this post, but,
Any thoughts on the latest installment (in today's NYT "Style" section--grrr) in the trivializing non-dialogue in the mainstream media on women, children and work?
Posted by: Rachel 99 | February 09, 2006 at 09:42 AM
I'm a Chicago-an and I have no idea what "Hypnotic" means, unless you're trying to quit smoking (which is a new development in Chicago).
Posted by: HollyRhea | February 09, 2006 at 11:50 AM
Anonymous, don't feel bad. You can always say you don't think I did the right thing. Who knows if they've ever done the right thing, really, and it definitely gave me something to think about.
Rachel99, I haven't read it yet, but I will.
Posted by: Moxie | February 10, 2006 at 11:02 AM
I was only ever an accomplice and my last bout of petty crime occurred when I was five or so. Because my mom totally would have marched me back into the store, and I'm pretty sure I'd do the same thing with my daughter. Hopefully she'll let her petty thievery go no farther than the pilfering from my handbag that's already begun.
Why has no one picked up on the fact that it was a DORA book he absconded with? That's the part I find utterly fascinating.
Posted by: Figlet | February 11, 2006 at 10:05 PM
The DORA book - fascinating or horrifying? I just don't get my 3-y.o. boy's enchantment with Dora. Obviously, she's stolen (pardon the pun) the heart of Moxie's Chico, too, but I just don't get it.
FWIW - I would have taken my little guy back to the store with the book, too. I still remember my mother marching my brother back to the store to return stolen chewing gum when he was about 4. It certainly made an impression on 6 year old me.
Posted by: theresa | February 16, 2006 at 12:01 AM
What you're doing for your son, Moxie, is earning invisible currency. This kind of attention to your son's development has high rates of return. My two teenage daughters are now routinely offered jobs, and praised by teachers and other authority figures. I think that their competence, integrity and maturity that shine brightly now are largely due to being recipients of such life lessons from both parents, along with strong doses of kindness, humility and laughter. Good work! Remember that on the tantrum days.
Posted by: Carol Park | February 27, 2006 at 12:10 AM