Good news--I zipped up a pair of my Fat Jeans* last week. I did it by employing the old high school trick of lying down on my bed and sucking in my stomach, then exhaling and zipping as quickly as I could. I managed to zip them up, but then I stood up and realized I had a massive muffin top. This discovery led to my decision to adopt Jamie's Vegetable Project. I have 18 pounds to go.
In other clothing news, last week El Chico and I were in Target (El Pequeño was there, too, but he doesn't have anything to do with the story). I was in the nursing bra section, so El Chico was playing in the women's novelty underwear section (he'll either be a gay designer or a straight lothario, judging from his consistent interest in women's underpants). He called me over and told me I had to buy two pairs of underwear he'd found. I attempted to demur, but he insisted, so I'm now the bemused owner of two pairs of boy-cut underpants: one has a big scratchy Elmo-head patch on the front, and the other has two printed Oscar heads and the word "cranky" across the arse. Every morning El Chico asks me if I'm going to wear my Oscar underpants. I don't have the heart to tell him I'm a crankypants every day so the undies are overkill.
*My Fat Jeans are the jeans in the size above the size I like to be. No, I'm not saying what size that is, because I'm sure some people would consider it enormous while others would kill to be in that size. Anyway, we all know what matters is how you feel about the size you are. Hence, they're my Fat Jeans.
i thought it was pretty funny coming across the term "muffin top" on a website written in the US, and then I realised that maybe our Australian TV pair "Kath and Kim" may not have made it up, to describe to overhang at the top of tight pants. Whoever came up with it, I think it is the best description for one of the many joys that motherhood brings.
Posted by: Claire Gee | July 05, 2005 at 10:14 AM
Muffin top! Hilarious! Mine shook as I read this entry!
Posted by: Toni | July 05, 2005 at 08:08 PM
Oh you are such a good, good Elmo-underpants-wearing mama!
Posted by: Kristine | July 05, 2005 at 08:55 PM
Moxie--
I just want to say-- Thank you, thank you, thank you for your most recent comment on my blog--it was so good, so awesome to read what you wrote. You said exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you, my friend. I can't thank you enough for your support, and your wise words, and your friendship.
Posted by: Karen, Naked Ovary Style | July 05, 2005 at 11:24 PM
I bow to you for going ahead and buying the grouch undies!
Posted by: Julia | July 07, 2005 at 04:00 PM