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Ah, a subject near and dear to my heart.

After watching my sister-in-law struggle with eating issues with both of her kids, before my son was born I vowed never to let eating become a power struggle.

HA! Fast forward 18 months and my son is on the very low end of the weight scale and won't eat anything besides crackers, peanut butter sandwiches and fruit.

But after the initial freaking out and following him around with tasty toddler bites trying to entice him to eat, we're having a lot of success with our current method. He only gets one snack (after his afternoon nap) and the rest of the meals are family meals. We don't pressure him about how much he eats, but he has to sit in his booster chair for as long as it takes us to eat our dinner. I offer him a choice of his staples and he decides what he wants. If he doesn't eat, he knows he gets a glass of milk before bedtime. That's it.

It takes away the food issue and makes it about spending time at the dinner table with us.

Also, my sister-in-law has had a lot of success using the same methods.

Good luck! I know how frustrating it can be. If you're really worried about about weight, you can try giving them calorie-rich smoothies before bed. My son's favorite is milk with carnation instant breakfast, peanut butter and a banana. Yummy!


Having a slow weight-gain 20 mo old who generally eats like a pig (with a metabolic disorder, but that's actually unrelated), I've learned a million tricks for getting the calories in, but the first order of advice is that if you are really concerned, go see your pediatrician. They may tell you that all measurements are on track and you have nothing to worry about, or they may suggest some supplementing measures. If you're concerned enough to Ask Moxie, I'd say schedule an office visit and talk about it with a doctor or nurse. Just my $.02.

I appreciate that you always put in the metabolic disorder caveat now, Moxie. It makes a momma feel loved :)


My son just turned a year and I am having this problem now. Moxie acutally posted my question a few months back when he was 8.5 months old.

My son only eats graham crackers, cherrios, and goldfish. Like Lisa, we always do family meals. Breakfast and dinner he is in his highchair and we offer whatever we are eating, but he only eats his staples.

I am still nursing a few times a day, but since my milk supply has wained I am very concerned about his nutrition. I am looking into mutlivitamins (and would appreciate any recommendations), but other than I have decided to *try* not to worry. I will offer a variety at every meal and eventually (although now I think it may be well until after he is 20 months) he will eat. I am a picky eater, so this is what I get! :)


Having had a child who progressed to a full-blown feeding disorder, I have some thoughts on this. Okay, a lot of thoughts.

1) *Learn what is normal before you panic.* Just 1 tablespoon per year of age is the normal serving size in toddlerhood. Try measuring that. It is really very small. You can check out their actual dietary intake by age/weight using the My Pyramid Tracker ( http://www.mypyramidtracker.gov/ ). Also, appetite declines sharply a few hours before bed (for children especially). Biggest expectation to eat should NOT be at dinner time.

2) *They NEED to be the boss of this.* Research coming out recently shows that the more you exert control over infant and toddler feeding (pushing for more or less intake), the greater the risk that your child will end up overweight. They have to have complete control to be able to identify and value their body's cues. It may take time to learn this, give them the time.

3) *Stressing makes it worse.* If you're upset, chances are that they are, too, even if they don't show a lot of signs. Stress makes the appetite shut down. It also makes it harder to filter out the subtle body cues about hunger and fullness in the rest of the body tension. And it sets up the 'stress equals time to eat' pattern in emotional eating. Stop stressing. I know it is hard. It is REALLY hard. But the stress makes it worse.

4) *If you're worried, it doesn't hurt to have it checked!* The vast majority of kids do not have a feeding disorder (3% of the overall population, 9% of those who had deep or traumatic suctioning at birth), though up to 40% of 4-year-olds would qualify as clinically aversive/selective eaters. Causes of picky/aversive eating come in a variety of types and levels, and can overlap to generate bigger issues in combination. Swallowing function, texture issues, reflux, allergies, trauma reactions, metabolic disorders, intolerances, stress reactions... they can each play a role. Especially if they are not sticking to their curve on the growth chart at this point, checking it out is a fine plan.

5) *Fussy stages equal weird eating behavior.* 20-22 months is another of those dratted 'fussy stages' (or in technical terms 'periods of disequilibrium'). IN these stages, they refuse foods, go on jags, eat obsessively, etc. This is indeed normal. Cross our expectations of the approaching 'normalness' (HA!) of older childhood with their normal developmental weirdness, and ya come up with a crisis in response.

My son Gabe had a feeding disorder. The clues to it were a) his growth and weight dropped on the chart, b) he panicked when offered new foods (not just refusal... fleeing the room in terror), and c) he would only eat high-feedback foods (salty, fatty, sweet). I won't bore ya with the details, but it was a long annoying haul, and we caught it too late to get much hope of totally normal eating from him until possibly adulthood. Learned a lot, and let our other kids eat under their own control, plus kept an eye out for things like reflux that could suppress normal appetite responses. They all eat well, try foods easily, and have individual preferences clearly stated. So much better. And way less stress. But 20-22 months STILL sucked, especially with the twins (double the stress-out?). I spent a lot of time just walking out of the dining room when I really wanted to say 'please just eat SOMETHING!'

Good luck!


I love hearing about this. It makes me feel better about the eating habits of my 2.5 year old twins.

I do something similar to what Lisa above does, except they get choices. Examples:

Breakfast: do you want cereal or eggs? do you want a banana or peanut butter toast?

Lunch: do you want cheese or yogurt? do you want strawberry or vanilla yogurt? do you want yellow cheese or white cheese? do you want grapes or apple slices?

Dinner: less choices because it's our family meal. They get what we eat and I try to give choices within reason. Do you want cheese on your pasta or no cheese? do you want a spoon or a fork? do you want the tiger cup or the elephant cup?

My kids are more inclined to eat stuff if they chose it. Of course, I still get incredibly frustrated, but I don't let them see it. I refuse to make it a power struggle. I continue to offer them 3 meals and one snack per day. If they don't eat, oh well. I may institute a "no thank you bite" rule soon, but otherwise my only rules are that they can't throw food and they have to sit there until the rest of us are done eating. So many people talk about this problem that I have to assume it's a stage and will eventually pass.


obxmom, give it a few weeks - there are a lot of fussy stages in a line at a year. 12 and then 14 months, each lasting a few weeks... not much room for normal eating. By 15 months, I usually see a general picking up of variety of foods (which then goes away again at 18 months, comes back a little and then goes away again at 20 months...).

Also, are you positive your supply is waning? My kids got much more efficient, and my body became a 'demand-only producer' around then. No more feeling engorged, but still plenty of supply on demand.

I like the Trader Joe's chewable vitamins, by the way. No chemical dyes. But there's disagreement on whether you need to (or should) give general multivitamins before 2 years of age. Even with Gabe's picky eating, he only was lacking a bit of vitamin A, and at 6 years old only needed one vitamin every-other day. I would never have guessed - but then, I'm not a pediatric nutritionist, either.



Thank you for your response. You have shared such great information. I am not sure my supply has wained, but I have not been able to pump as much. I work out of the house a few days a week, so generally that means that he is getting one or two feedings from whole milk. When I am home it doesn't seem to be an issue.

How did you determine what nutrients Gabe was lacking? From his last appointment, I know that his iron levels are low, so I know he needs iron supplements, but I am worriied about the other nutrients as well.

I will check out Trader Joe's vitamin. Our first Trader Joe's just opened here in NC. As my husbnd is an avid TJ shopper we waited in a long line to shope on opening day.


When my daughter was this age I was all about hiding things in the food she will eat (she would eat bread and muffins so I gave her pumpkin bread and zuccini muffins...). What if you made the mashed potatoes with veggie or chicken broth for protein? You could try sweet potato french fries or some mashed carrots or other fruits in the apple sauce. My daughter was always fooled but she was enough of the time.


I mean she WASN'T always fooled...


Gabe saw a pediatric nutritionist in the feeding clinic. I was SURE he had to be low on a lot of things (he had been low on iron as a toddler, but that turns out to be more related to a) when cord clamping was done, and b) mother's iron stores post-pregnancy). The My Pyramid Tracker is probably your best bet if you don't want to pay for a pediatric nutritionist.

I also can't pump for beans around 11 months, and again around 13 months. Pumpinging supply drop is not always the same as actual supply drop. A bit of work got me back up in pumping when needed (food allergy with Brendan, pumped to 14 months, intolerances with the twins, pumped to 15 months, I think.). Storknet.com's breastfeeding cubby has an article I wrote about how to get more from the pump (this works pretty well during a pumping slump). Here: http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/breast/pumping.htm


Our pediatrician told us, "toddlers don't starve to death, but we have no idea why not." That's sort of become our mantra.

We have a 19-month-old daughter who took a terrifying slide down the growth chart, from 75th percentile for weight at 9 months to 12th percentile at 15 months. Fortunately, she now seems to be holding steady along the 12-15 percentile line.

The biggest lesson we learned is to try to increase the food value of what she eats without increasing the bulk. That means subsituting high-fat, high-protein, high-calorie foods for low-calorie foods wherever we can. Rice cakes have been replaced by bread and butter, watermelon has been replaced by bananas, chicken gets breaded and sauteed in olive oil instead of being baked. It's basically the opposite of what you would do if you were dieting.


Great comments--we had struggles around this age too, mainly related to power stuff. We'd be offering a food we KNEW was a favorite, when we also knew she was hungry and she just wouldn't want to eat it.

One silly trick that helped--especially when she had a little hospitalization at 21 months and the docs were all paying lots of attention to her intake--was to ask her if she wanted to feed somebody else. Somebody usually being one of her stuffed animals or a character in a book. A lot of the time she'd offer bites of food to the character and then start semi-consciously putting them in her own mouth...and then once she got going, she'd eat as much as she needed. Books and animals got a bit dirty, but hey...

Anyway, might be worth a shot if you haven't already exhausted such tricks.

pnuts mama

timely post for us as well. pnut was a preemie which can sometimes cue feeding issues, and it doesn't help that i have huge power/control issues with her over how much she eats esp. when she is so low on the percentiles.
re: the bfing at this stage, I know I read somewhere that by this point your milk has changed and you produce way less b/c it has become denser and now provides what your child needs at this stage of the game. I know someone else smarter than me knows what I am talking about, maybe I read this on kellymom? i have found that to be a remarkable resource on bfing and she has great links, too. by one year we had pnut drinking whole organic cows milk and had cut back the bfing dramatically, but see what your ped recommends regarding the amount of milk/dairy (ours said no more than 16 oz a day) and the nutrient issues. it is so very easy to freak out that your kid isn't getting enough and let it control your life and it sure does increase your stress load - which ends up making the matter so much worse!

**oh** something i've learned from pnut is that when she is teething, forget it, she eats like crap, even her staples. i try and give her cold/frozen fruit to gnaw on or whole wheat pretzel sticks or zwieback cookies, but when she's teething, it's anyone's guess if she will eat at all! also, our ped said a persons stomach is usually about the size of their fist. kids fists are pretty small, so i just put a bunch of things on the booster tray and let go of my catholic guilt when I end up throwing 1/2 of it away (into the compost pile, but still, part of me is screaming "waste! waste!") about a month ago I made the conscious decision to let go of my feeding issues with pnut. i try and rotate her staples (fresh fruits, steamed veggies from frozen bags, whole wheat mini bagels, whole wheat pretzels, cheddar cheese, yobaby yogurt, etc.) throughout the day and if we are having something she can't have for dinner, then i pull out leftovers for her that she enjoyed that i have frozen.

a few foods that are hits: those little tortellinis or ravioli that you can get either in frozen or even regular pasta aisle, stuffed with meat or cheese and mushrooms/etc. sweet potato fries are awesome. cut up grilled cheese sandwiches made with cheddar and wholewheat bread. any chicken/meat torn up into little pieces. avacado. pierogies (fresh or frozen) cut in half w/ some sour cream. organic mac and cheese, throw some shredded cheese in when you mix it up with peas and carrots too. cut up pizza with veggies on it. you can food process veggies and mix into pasta sauce and put some on ziti/larger pasta. baked beans are a hit with her, you can make from scratch or go canned. also organic veggie based cookies are a big hit.

i have found now that we are eating better now that i have made a conscious effort to watch what my child eats. of course i write that as i eat like 1/2 of a pecan pie. sigh. just in case from the above you thought we were some type of health food nuts. pecans are good for you, right? best of luck to you!


Obxmom, I have absollutely no idea why, but many many women report that the can suddenly not pump as much at around 10-11 months, even if their supply while nursing is fine. Pumping just starts to fail. It happened with me and other SAHMs I know, and lots of WOHMs have reported it, too. We have no idea why, but your supply may be completley fine and you just can't pump as much now.


I'm late to this thread, but one thing I've learned is that (for our toddler at least) the favorites or staples can change. For a while he would eat anything that looked like pizza, and not anything mashed. Now pizza is out, and mashed potatoes are OK again. That is to say, if the usuals aren't working try something previously rejected. It can't hurt. What about associating food with fun outings? For example, our toddler loves going for dim sum, and in part because of that is most usually enthusiastic about dumplings, etc., at home as well.


We do as Linda does, and I repeat our ped's advice like a mantra: It's not what they eat in a meal, or a day, but in a week that matters. Over the course of the week she really does eat a good mix of foods. Although there were those first days of a vacation when she ate so much yogurt that her sweat smelled sour. Yuck. But she bounced back pretty quickly, and ate (or refused) a wide variety of foods throughout those weeks.

As with others, dinner is our family meal and she has what we have. I make sure there's at least one familiar item on her plate, and increasingly as she nears 23 mos, she'll take a nibble of something unfamiliar at the very end of the meal, when we've completely stopped paying attention -- which seems to confirm that it's all about power.

Also, a friend suggested that you have one "easy out" alternative to what's served, something easy to prepare and that the child typically likes. For us it's yogurt. If she's not eating anything, we offer yogurt, and sometimes she says yes, which always makes me feel better about the times she doesn't.

She's small for her age, so the mantra really helped me keep anxiety in check when the picky-not-eatingness started at about 13 mos.


We've had three family rules in place since my spawn started eating solid foods, and they've served us pretty well:

1.) Whenever possible, she eats what we eat. This is virtually always the case now unless I've cooked something with a good deal of wine in it or at a time when she eats and I don't.

2.) We never, ever push her to eat anything --- not even "just one more bite?"

3.) At the same time, if she refuses to eat what's put in front of her, we don't offer her anything else until the next normal mealtime/snacktime.

This has taken power out of the equation. We offer her a big variety -- from curries and whole grains to tropical fruits and sushi -- and don't comment on how much she's eaten or not eaten, and she's still pretty fearless about trying new foods, although she definitely has favorites. Working from the assumption that she won't let herself starve is easier for us than it's been for some folks I'm close to, though, because N.'s big for her age.


I can empathize with many of the comments above as my 22 month old son will only eat yogurt and fish crackers and this has been going on for three months (although two months ago he liked apple sauce and now won't even touch it) I think I have tried just about everything without a lot of pressure. I have tried only giving him what the rest of the family is having for dinner. He just didn't eat dinner for two days. How long should you keep on doing this? I really don't want this to turn into a power struggle but I am getting worried about his health and have scheduled an appointment with his doctor.


Hello All,
Am I glad I found this post!! My 19 month old son and I have been having power struggles at each meal time and you all know its not fun. He eats maybe 6 tablespoons of solid food a day ( which includes only yogurt or 3rd stage gerber!!!) , takes a couple of bites of pancakes and has 16 ounces of milk a day totally..I am getting very very worried about this. He is very active otherwise. I read somewhere that 8 tablespoons of solid food is all that is expected of a toddler as they near 2..is this true? Please respond. I really want to hear what you all have to say! Thanks!

C. Robinson

I babysit my granddaughter 60 hours a week. She is 18 mo. Was born 1 mo early. Has reflux. Has taken RX med for many months. Just removed from her medication to see how she does. She has never been a good eater and now that I'm offering table food she's even worse. Looks at the food, picks up the plate and throws it on the floor. If I stop the throwing by putting food directly on her tray she just throws the food on the floor or turns her head away and starts whining. Her Ped sees nothing wrong w/ her throat but says she'll scope her if her weight doesn't start going up soon. She's 20lbs 10 oz.
The only way to get food into her is to spoon feed her stage 3 foods and be very clever about it. I know I shouldn't be feeding her anymore but it seems critical to get nutrition in somehow. I use a food processor to puree table food and can sneak some in behind applesauce. She does not get junk food at all. Only healthy snacks and very few of them. This is driving me crazy and I'm trying not to stress out but ....
she hates new textures and absolutely will not pick up the food and put it in her mouth. I just put her on Toddler formula as her milk source to get the added nutrients in it. She only gets 16 oz in 24 hours but does have free access to her water sippy and once a day she gets about 3 oz of V-8
V-Fusion. Thank goodness for Cheerios! She will eat an egg a day if I feed it to her.
Put it in a bowl for her to eat and she just throws it around.
I offer all our table food in small bite sizes but rarely will she even pick up one piece. I know she can swallow because she readily eats Cheerios and a few other things. Mealtime is a nightmare. We've tried ignoring what she's doing and just eat our supper in a cheerful environment, we've tried feeding her stuffed animal pals, we've tried having her pull up to the table without a tray, we've tried every tip I've read. It seems she lives efficiently on very very little food but her Ped is growing concerned about the flat graft showing no weight gain. Her height is slowing going up but nothing to jump & down about. Thanks for listening. I'm open to any and all suggestions. :)


Hello just reading over all these other posts and is exactly similiar to my almost 20 month old. Since he was little he was very very picky about what he ate. Lately all he is wanting is crackers or chips thats it. In the morning he will have a bowl of cherios a banana or some waffles and a banana but that seems to be the ONLY time he really has a meal. The rest of the day he just wants to eat chips which I don't think is healthy. I've tried all the tips of making him sit at the table with us when dinner is served, i've offered and offered and sat there for awhile and he just wont budge. I'm definetly not concerned that he is starving because he is a good 27 28 lbs I guess it's just the whole control thing that gets to me. It's so frustrating and especially since i'm going through so much food and just ending up tossing it because he won't eat it. He definetly does have his favorites tho...pizza, mashed potatoes, he does like cooked veggies like green beans, corn, carrots...but he'll even sometimes act like he hates them. I want to figure out a plan to stick to so I can start a routine. I'm tired of giving into just giving him chips all day just because I feel bad and I want him to have something in his belly but that just makes me feel like he won. Any suggestions would be appreciated.


My daughter is 19 months old, is 79cm tall and weighs 22lbs. She is starting to eat very little a day, she was a poor eater when we started on solids and then she was great for a while but for the last 2 or 3 months she has been a nightmare. She hasn't put on any weight in 2 months, which worries me. a typical day consist of breakfast:small cup cornflakes+full milk, Lunch:French toast 1 slice, made with one egg. Midafternoon munch: half a child sized bowl of carbonara pasta. She will eat a really little bit of dinner which always the same as our food cut up small into bite sized peices. then she might have a couple of small snacks like a chocolate wafer biscuit and a yoghurt or fruit or crackers. she love sweetcorn and peas and has these nearly everyday with either lunch or dinner, probably no more than about 500 cals a day. i'm really worried, any advice??? [email protected]


Hi there,
I am the mother of a 20 month old who's been acting exactly like other children on this post.
Since he started solid eating has become an issue, mealtime has become a real battle, I thought things were finally starting to get better, since he started to eat chicken nougets, macaroni and cheese and angel hair pasta with tomato sauce, then all of a sudden he stopped and we have regressed totally since he won't even accept baby food now. The only thing he eats for sure is cheese, bread and fruit, cereal. I am concerned about this power struggle, it is a control issue as I read, I just need to find the strenght to let go, just offer him solid food and let him eat or not eat.....I am horrified at the idea he might start loosing weight though, it's been so hard for me to learn to let go, but I feel like if we go on like this he might get really traumatized and develop an unhealthy relationship with food. It does make me feel better though that I am not the only one.

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I have a 16 month old who is barely 17 pounds. She was born a week early at 5.6 pounds. So she has always been small and a picky eater. She never latched to me and I had to use a nipple shield for 7 months and after that we switched to formula. We started giving her solids at 4.5 months but she has never had a good appetite. Meal times are a struggle and I am so frustrated. We have seen pediatricians, naturopathic doctors, a homeopathic doctor and just recently started to see a feeding and occupational therapist. She doesn't have a swallowing issue as one of the pediatrician's had stated. I think it has more to do with power struggle and the need to be distracted when eating. We have a nanny and she is somehow able to get the food into her but if anyone from the family tries to feed her she refuses. May be she is upset that mommy and daddy aren’t around all day and then when we get back in the evenings, her way of showing anger is refusing to eat from us. She will pick-up foods and eat them from time to time but will not open her mouth if I try to spoon-feed her. We give her vitamins and she is on toddler formula/milk combo but I limit her milk intake and give it only before she goes down for a nap or at bedtime. She is active and healthy child otherwise but just doesn't like to eat. I have noticed if she is really active during the day she will eat a bit more than usual. We don’t usually sit with her at mealtimes because she is usually already in bed by the time we eat. From reading these posts it seems like eating issues continue for a while!

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I can relate to all the women above. It is so frustrating and worrisome to a new mom when you have a picky eater . My son is 19 months old and refuses to eat full meals. His daily meals consist of one item: morning: cheese, or bread, or tea, or piece of apple, sometimes cheerios with milk, or cottage cheese. Lunch: Uhh...I offer him homemade soups..( make those myself from scratch), salads (cabbage, apple, carrots), bread, or rice, or couscous, or mashed potatoes, spaggetti, or meat, chicken, and... He only likes to dip bread in the bowl with soup and won’t eat the rest, turns the bowl upside down, spreads everything all over the table, and hands me the plate. Snack: Bread (any kind) Loves bread. When you stuff yourself with bread, you are not hungry anymore for couple of hours. Either Banana, or apple, and all of that are in bite sizes. Dinner: ugh, sometimes nothing. He would nibble on some food, like boiled beets, or tomatoes. Won’t eat eggs and won't eat what we eat for dinner, although we dine together. He won’t let me feed him no matter what. Tries to eat with kid spoon or fork, and the food is all over the highchair. He'd rather run away. It is all game for him. He stopped eating well in aug-sept, I would put him in high chair in front of computer, turn on cartoons and he would open his mouth. He would eat whole adult size bowl of fish soup, etc, with bread, and top it off the shredded apple or pair. Then suddenly he stopped. And it has been going on ever since. This worries me so much. Doc recommends putting him at the dinner table with the family, setting an example and giving him whatever he likes, And what he likes is : green olives, pickles, apples, bread, bottled cereal at bed time, sometimes yogurt, dried cranberries, cheese, sour cabbage, boiled asparagus,. Oh, and of course Candy, once he tried the lolly pop, he won’t stop asking for it. The reason I am worried is that he used to eat much more at lunch and dinner. I know every tot has its own preferences, but he only weighs 25lb with height of 31 inches. He has no meat on his bones. I give vitamins in the cereal. When he was born he had colics, and our pediatrician wrote a presc for Zantac, which I never gave, once he turned 3 months, colic stopped. I fed him formula, and when he was 5 months, suddenly stopped eating that too. I have never forced food into him unlike my other mom-friends. I put him in a highchair, if he does not want to eat...Bye. Until next time. It makes me feel better that other moms are going through the same I do. I waste so much food.....

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Q&A: 20-month-olds won't eat.


My son will be 20 months on February 7th. He doesn't like to eat much. I try to give him some bananas, toast, or waffles for breakfast or oatmeal but he shakes his head no. He eats raviolis and peanut butter sandwiches. He of course loves french fries and chicken pieces. There are some days where he won't eat anything but a few crackers and a bite or two of peanut butter sandwich or chicken pieces or raviolis or a bite or two of what Mom and Dad are eating. He is not underweight he weighs 30 lbs and Doctor says he is healthy. My neighbor's daughter is only 3 weeks younger than my son and she eats so good, veggies and almost anything her Mom gives her. I wish my son would eat cause I am stressing about it.

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  • My expertise is in helping people be who they want to be, with a specialty in how being a parent fits into everything else. I like people. I like parents. I think you're doing a fantastic job. The nitty-gritty of what you do with your kids is up to you, although I'm happy to post questions here to get data points of how you could try approaching different stages, because, let's face it, this shit is hard. As for me, I have two kids who sleep through the night and can tie their own shoes. I've been a married SAHM, a married freelance WAHM, a divorcing WOHM, a divorced WOHM, and now a WAHM again. I'm not buying the Mommy Wars and I'll come sit next to you no matter how you're feeding your kid. When in doubt, follow the money trail. And don't believe the hype.
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