Q&A: "the witching hour" with a newborn

Lauren writes:

"I have a 3 week old who just started getting fussy in the evenings. Any tips on how to console him?   Sometimes the pacifier works, he also needs to be held at all times when he is fussy. When he falls asleep in my arms (probably from exhaustion from complaining and whining) he wakes up as soon as I move him to his bed. HELP!!!!"

Ah, the classic problem of the Witching Hour. When we took a Newborn Care class before having our first son the instructor spent 20 minutes of the 3-hour class covering this topic. Starting at a few weeks old, many many newborns start to fuss at around 7 pm (although it can start as early as 4 pm) and fuss until around 10 or 11 pm. It goes on for weeks. This is apparently a worldwide phenomenon, so you can console yourself that there are parents all over the world going just as crazy as you are with fussy newborns in the evening.

No one knows for sure why this happens, although there are a million theories. Some people think it's the babies' bodies working out some kinks. Some think it's adjusting to all the stimuli they get out of the womb that they didn't get in the womb. Some think it's digestive difficulties. (Some people think the babies have gas and that makes them cry, while others think the babies cry and swallow air and that gives them gas.) My mom thinks the babies just figure out they're no longer in the womb and get pissed off. I think it's because they've figured out that everyone else can move and they can't even roll over and they get pissed off. Honestly, it's probably a mixture of a bunch of things, very few of which we have any control over.

It's very hard to deal emotionally with this stage, since you're so new to it and it's heartbreaking and frustrating to have your baby be so upset. It can be a great first opportunity for you and your baby to become closer, though, if you let it, and it's a wonderful opportunity for parents to start to come into their own power.

The important concepts to remember are that when you try to comfort your baby, your baby learns that someone cares about his/her distress and is coming to help. That's the second step (after feeding) in learning to trust the parent and the world in general. It doesn't actually matter if you can fix the problem for the baby, just that you're there soothing and being with the baby. For parents, it's the first of many times you get to discover that there are problems that don't have solutions, and that walking through the challenge is what turns you into a parent, even if you can't "solve" it.

Now for actually dealing with the fussiness: There are as many things to try as there are parents and kids. Everyone you know will swear by something different, and that's because different things help different kids. My feeling about dealing with the Witching Hour is that you should use the same Malcolm X Method you do with sleep in general for the first few months: By Any Means Necessary.

[Updated to add: If you're nursing, you should always try nursing first. It's the simplest solution, if it works. Some babies cluster-feed in the evening, which means they nurse on and off for a few hours, but then will often sleep a little longer at night. You can just sit around and nurse and watch TV in the evening and hope to get a few extra hours of sleep at night.]

Here are some things that are commonly recommended:

• Putting the baby in the infant seat on top of a running clothes dryer. The shimmying and noise of the machine are supposed to soothe the baby.
• Running the vacuum cleaner near the baby. The loud white noise sometimes helps.
• Taking the baby into a silent, dark room and walking or rocking slowly, to remove as much external stimulus as possible.
• Taking the baby into a bright room with lots of background noise, to add as much background stimulus as possible.
• Putting on loud music. My friends' daughter would only calm down to "Livin' La Vida Loca" at top volume. They listened to it for 3 hours a day every day for 4 weeks. They don't even like Ricky Martin.
• Driving the baby around in the car.
• Strolling the baby outside. This seems to be especially effective in cold weather, for some reason.
• Bouncy seats or swings, although some kids who like them at other times of day hate them in the evening.
• Walking the baby around in a sling, wrap, bjorn, mei tai, or any other body-carrying device. (We had to put our first son facing out in the Bjorn and bounce slwoly around the apartment for 4 hours every day while the evening mishegas period was in effect. My calf muscles got huge.)
• Chamomilla or other homeopathic treatments, or Mylecon drops.
• Figuring out when the crying starts, and trying to put the baby down for a nap (nursing or rocking, if that's the sure-fire way to get them down) 15-30 minutes before the crying usually starts. If you luck out the baby might sleep though part or all of the cranky time.

I'm sure there are dozens of common suggestions I've forgotten. You can Google "colic" to see other things people have come up with. I don't think normal evening fussiness is actual colic, since colic is technically 4 hours a day of inconsolable crying for at least 4 weeks, but since no one really knows what any of it is, you might as well try anything you can find.

Unfortunately*, laudanum (opium tincture) is not approved for use in infants. So you'll just have to try a bunch of things and see what works best to help soothe your baby. If you have a partner to trade off some of the crying shift with it will help. You might also be able to sucker a friend or relative into coming and babysitting for an hour or two sometimes during that phase. (If you have a friend with a teenager who comes to babysit, this would be a perfect way to scare said teenager into being assiduous about practicing safe sex. It's a win-win, really.)

There are four pieces of good news about this situation:
1. It's not you. You're doing a great job.
2. It will end. Really, it will. Maybe in 2 weeks, maybe not for 6 weeks, but it will end.
3. This is one time when people's ridiculous advice might actually help you. As long as it's not physically dangerous, you might as well try it.
4. Going through this phase with your baby will tell you so much about your baby's personality and likes and dislikes. Does your baby escalate by crying, or release tension? Does your baby like dark and quiet, or loud and busy? Does your baby like to swing or to bounce**? Does Rage Against the Machine soothe her, or Enya? Adversity helps you know your baby better.

So now, readers, release the hounds! We need your stories of tricks that helped soothe your baby during this phase. We also need stories of how horribly your baby would cry (for us it was 4-9 every afternoon), what you thought was wrong (I thought my older son had an undiagnosed intestinal disorder), and how long the crying phase lasted (memory is merciful, but I think about 4-5 weeks). Even if none of your suggestions help Lauren, at least she'll know it's not just her.

* I'm kidding. Opiates should never be used on infants. They should be reserved for cranky, non-sleeping toddlers instead.

** My older son hated the swing and bouncy seat like they were red-hot lasers poking him. When my MIL said "Some kids are bouncers and some are swingers," we realized that he hated them because he didn't like to swing, but needed to bounce. It was so petty, but a huge key to being able to soothe him (by bouncing him for hours at a time). Some dumb little insight like that may be the beginning of being able to soothe your baby, too.

Comments

[carmie]

Oh lord, I remember those evenings with my son, and how much they sucked. His screechy period was about 5:30-11:00. Sometimes he'd get so exhausted that he'd stay awake until 1 AM. I found it very helpful to split the time with my husband, who'd take over around 8 so I could pass out. We tried everything, with mixed results. Eventually he outgrew it.

[SarcastiCarrie]

Outside was very good. My husband thought we were outside to greet him home from work everyday, which is half true. He also thought the baby hated him and only started fussing once he got home.
Nursing was good. I doubt he was eating the whole time for four hours, but nursing. Pacifier did not do it. A clean finger could work in a pinch if I needed to go to the bathroom, but nursing. My husband would cut my food up for me so I could eat and nurse.

[Aurora]

"Daddy bounce/sway/dance" (patent pending...) with baby in the sling. Mom (me) just didn't have the right bounce, go figure! his calves got huge too!
Also walking around outside, also cold weather, not sure why.

[Lisa V]

You can't use opiates in babies? Killjoy.

When Apple was three weeks old she cried and cried at night. My grandmother was visiting and said "She just needs to cry to exercise her lungs." After I shot death rays from my eyes and almost made me 80 year old grandmother hide from me, I said that is nuts. If people could exercise their lungs through screaming and crying we would have parks where you didn't go to run, but to yell. Smokers would yell twice as much.

Now I realize she wasn't right, but she was right in basically saying there may be no answer.

The swing was a charm with Apple, she loved it. My other three children hated it. Three of my kids found car rides soothing. Sunshine would scream her head off if you put her in a car seat, so we spent alot of time pacing the house and bouncing.

The best part of this whole crying thing? It doesn't last forever, even if it seems like it now. There are so many stages and changes that first year, you just can't believe how rapidly they move through them.

[liz]

That period was really good prep for my Hawaiian Dance class. The lele step (sway) is EXACTLY the motion I had to use to soothe Muffin Man.

[Cat, Galloping]

I just walked and walked and walked up and down the living room. Noticed things I'd never noticed before, like some very strange orange thing growing on the bricks around the fireplace. In my pacing, I would sometimes notice that the cats' food bowls were empty and think, "Oh! That's why he's upset!" And then, "Oh. No."

We listened to music (all kinds) and I sang. One day I read him almost the entire NY Times while I carried and walked him. He seemed to like the slow up and down of lunges and I got a workout at the same time. Sometimes I tried to get out of the house at that time, take a walk or go to the bookstore or whatever, and the change of scenery worked. (This even though I was terrified he'd cry the whole time.) Oh! and he liked to be held across my arm, face down, arm near the elbow, my hands between the legs.

Good luck!

[Kathleen]

Our little girl would stop crying if we put her all naked on our naked bodies, belly to belly, & then draping a small blanket over her. The warmth & smell seemed to work real well. Good luck !

[Kate]

With my daughter we used a walk outside in a sling. But she was born in June so it was pleasant and light out at those hours. Many, many verses of "Old Macdonald" also seemed to help.

My son also spent many hours stashed in a carrier, but since his fussy time coincided with daughter's dinner/bath/bed times, I often threw the three of us into a shower or bath (some babies love the water, some hate it--mine always loved it). The fussiness usually continued after the waterplay was over, but it was 20 minutes of peace, plus I managed to keep the evening schedule rolling.

[mc]

Yep, walking outside was a real lifesaver for us, as was holding her really firmly up against my chest while listening to Paul Simon's "Graceland" album fairly loudly and dancing around the living room. In fact, we still use "Graceland" at the evening fussy time, which is MUCH more manageable now that our daughter is 5 months old; it's just the half-hour before bed, instead of hours and hours on end.

[Amy]

I remember this like it was yesterday! It seemed like, as soon as everyone got home (work, school etc.) and I started to make supper, my son would start crying. I put him in the swing, no go, I put him on daddy's shoulder (who was irritated to say the least ' what's his problem ' why is he crying ' why should I have to hold him ' grrr). One time my hubby actually said (TO THE BABY!) "NO ONE is going to pick you UP! You are FINE!" and I lost it. I picked him up, and told hubby, "He doesn't know that I'm right out in the kitchen, when I'm not in view, I'm GONE! Of course I'm going to pick him up!" Mommy's shoulder was the only thing that would work , even if he still fussed, it was better than all out screamfest. It seemed like it lasted forever at the time, but I would kill to have that tiny baby on my shoulder again. Also, as Moxie mentioned, trying to find out the baby's preferences could be helpful; my son was a bouncer, not a swinger. Made a HUGE difference in soothing him for many, many months.

[Melissa]

I swear this phase lasted about 4 months for us with my son. We swaddled, bounced, sang, used the vaccum cleaner. I highly recommend Dr. Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block. (You don't really need to read the whole book, just get the techniques down. I have not seen the video.) I need to brush up on my techniques are we are expecting #2 the end of December.

He also liked laying his belly on our forearms with his head/cheek on the the side of our elbow and a hand between his legs. He only had a diaper on and we didn't have sleeves. Again skin to skin contact with a blanket over him. He is almost three now and still finds comfort in hugging my entire arm down the length of his body and putting his face anywhere he finds exposed skin.

I think it is also important to note that something that worked one day, may not work the next. Moxie is absolutely right, this experience among others makes you a parent.

[Jennifer]

I grew up in West Texas and would do a Texas Two-Step or a waltz for hours on end to old country standards. Patsy Cline was a big hit as was Bob Wills. Also, for some reason, any music from Latin America. But I had to dance--she wouldn't be put down and we couldn't just snuggle either. But it worked--she'd snuggle down and go to sleep after about 1/2 an hour. Great exercise! This lasted until she was about 12 weeks old. Now, a year later, if my daughter gets fussy I can put on this music and it helps her calm down.

[AV]

All great suggestions! And you have to be ready to change it up from day to day - because if it works today it might not work tomorrow and if it didn't work today it might work tomorrow.

Also if you're breastfeeding, nurse the baby. Many, many babies need to 'clusterfeed' (ie nurse v-e-r-y freqently) during those evening hours.

[Evelyn]

Mr. Littleguy nursed non-stop for these hours, unless we went for a walk outside. It lasted from about 6:30 to 11 nightly from about 6 weeks until 12 weeks. Didn't mind much though, because it kept me up long enough to watch the evening news and Sex in the City.

[Sally]

In the same way that babies are either swingers or bouncers, we found that babies are either swaddlers or free-birders. Ours was a free-birder. He'd work himself up into a crying jag about 5 pm and we usually couldn't do anything about it except be there for him and wait for him to pass out from exhaustion.

There were a couple of golden nights a week, however, when the free-bird technique worked. We'd strip him naked and lie him on the floor with his arms and legs stretched out. Then I'd do a kind of brisk, firm baby massage sweeping my hands from the tips of his fingers all the way down to his toes over and over again. Calmed him right down. If I let him curl up in a ball then he'd start crying again. The key was to keep him in a state that was the absolute opposite of swaddling.

I think he might have had gas problems and stretching him out unkinked his digestive system so the gas could work its way out. It's also possible that he was over stimulated by clothing, etc so being naked and focused on touch that was soothing to him helped.

[bec 36]

I will also put in my vote for Karp's Happiest Baby book. Although the book seems to be aimed at helping parents of actually "colicky" babies, and although he insists that you do all of his very specific steps in a very specific way in order to make it work, you may find that just one or two of his suggestions give you all you need. For example, he mentions some positions to try holding the baby in, like horizontal and facing away from you, while you gently jiggle them. It's not something you'd naturally do, but it might work. I found his comparisons to other cultures very interesting too (i.e. in many cultures babies are not put down at all for the first couple of months of life; there is always someone [not just Mom] holding them). Don't forget infant massage! There are plenty of books and videos about that too. Oh, and yeah, for us it was several hours a day for several weeks and before we knew it, it was over. Good luck!!

bec :D

[hedra]

My kids have all been different, and three of them have had health/GI issues that have likely worsened the 'fussy hour(s)' until those were handled.

I had one who mainly fussed if her twin was fussing. It took a while to figure out that she was just crying because someone else was unhappy. Her twin had reflux plus a hypersensitive histamine reaction, which meant she was miserable pretty much all day long except short naps and a 3-hour period in the morning... Figured out part of it at 10 weeks, and started seeing improvement then. Before that, it was bouncy seat, comfort nursing, dancing, slings, swing, loud music, in an endless cycle.

The other two had more typical 'fussy periods' in the evening, one very noticable (minor GI contributors including dairy sensitivity played a role), the other pertty moderate fussing but with very serious GI issues (violent dairy reaction, allergies). For them, colic hold (on daddy's arm), swings, bouncy seat with vibrating attachment (!!!), slings/carriers, rocking, extra burping, music, all helped. Also handling the massive oversupply I had with the second (!!).

They each lasted a different span, but the main peak/overlap was 4-8 weeks of age.

I wanted to put a big spotlight on Moxie's comment about the soothing effort being critical regardless of whether there is a solution (or one you can track down before it resolves on its own). I've done a lot of reading on neurobiology and neuropyschology of infancy, and what Moxie says is supported by the research. You may not see a difference in how uncomfortable they are, because whatever is making them fuss/cry is still there, but the stress hormones produced drop dramatically if someone is *trying* to help. Voice (comforting), face/expression (responsive), and physical contact (comforting) interactions each affect the baby's stress response, even if we don't solve the triggering problem.

This remains true for adults, even though we're past that early brain development phase - our brains and bodies function better when we're being supported, listened to, responded to, and cared for -- even when the problem still hurts. I know it was a huge relief for me to know that even if I couldn't make the problem go away, just being there, being comforting, and trying, really was what my baby needed. It was a lot less frustrating to know that the efforts weren't useless.

[Joanne]

This too shall pass!!! I couldn't put DD down since the second day in the hospital. I had to hold her non-stop because the moment I placed her ANYWHERE she would fuss. Luckily, she was never a "crier" but she'd fuss and let you know she wasn't happy. I didn't even face her stroller seat out until she was four and a half months.
Anyway, I got myself a sling and tried to wear her around as often as possible, then I e-mailed Moxie and got some great advice (see 'clingy five-month-old' post). Enjoy this time, the closeness and bonding. Moxie's right when she says your children will be running from you sooner than you think. Althought DD still likes being close, I can see her sprouting independance. She can actually play for longer periods without having me right by her side. And trust me, the day she starts doing this, those first 30 seconds of her not noticing you will pain you slightly.
Enjoy your beautiful baby son!!!

[Reese]

Oh God - why did I have to return to those memories? *groan* With my girl it was gas from lactose intolerance (getting lactose through my breastmilk) and sensitivity to spices (getting spices through my breastmilk), plus cluster feeding and infant boredom. Finally we removed all dairy and spices from my diet (salt and pepper chicken with plain lettuce salad every. day. for. six. months) and action movies while nursing. Worked like a charm.

Note: We also had to nurse her to sleep and co-sleep for similar reasons (cluster feeding and sleep deprivation). She would wake up the second we tried to move her. Remember - by any means nessicary.

[AmyinMotown]

Bathroom fan. It was the final fussbuster--it ALWAYS worked and we still run a fan in her room to help her sleep. Walking, walking, walking. Also singing "You Are My Sunshine" with a special verse I made up about her (also still works when she wakes in the night and cries for us) and "The Rainbow Connection."

Luckily, a friend with a baby warned me about this before it happened so I was more or less prepared, but it was really hard and reading this, looks like I got off easy! Some wise person also made the same point Moxie did--that even if you can't stop the crying just the fact that you're there and loving and soothing does your baby a lot of good. It took away so much of that desperation feeling, to know that I was heping her even if I couldn't stop the crying.

When my girl came out of this phase, she started sleeping longer at night AND started smiling a lot. It was like heaven opened up. There IS light at the end of the tunnel!

Oh yeah, and wine helps. For you, not the baby!

[Annika]

Someone recommended Gripe Water to me before Sam was born. I thought she was nuts. Then I, um, tried it. It calmed him down remarkably. He HATED riding in the car and would scream his head off unless my husband sat next to him (not me, probably because I had the milk and why the hell wasn't I sharing?) and gave him the syringe of gripe water. I started making it myself - it's just fennel and ginger tea sweetened with agave syrup. I also had success with rescue remedy in very small doses.

[K]

For us, going outside definitely helped. For me as well as the baby! Also, a warm bath, and opera music. We only discovered this in the car when we had classic fm on as a last resort, and every now and then they played an operatic piece and our daughter would be completely quiet for each and every track. Go figure.

[A]

Great that you asked this question. I still recall those weeks with both my children. I was fortunate to have my parents with me for those first several weeks and my mom and dad and I would walk for hours holding my kids. It was tiring, especially since I was breastfeeding and it was interesting that they ask to be nursed or held just as you get ready to sit down to get some nourishment yourself. The good part is they will get over it. So if you have help it will help lighten the load otherwise alternating with your partner should help. Thank goodness they only weigh a few pounds during those weeks!!! I especially liked the comment about the dancing/swaying with your baby...seems like a great way to stay in shape as well as nuture your child. Of course as usual all the comments are wonderful and definitely each worth a try.

[hedra]

If you suspect dairy is a culprit, check out this article: http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/lactose.html (which is referenced in this one: http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/lactose-intolerance.html )

A lot of moms are told by healthcare professionals that their baby is 'lactose intolerant', when there is another problem at the source of the symptoms (like MSPI). Mislabeling the problem can lead to challenges making effective management decisions in both short and long term, such as continuing to cause the underlying GI injury/inflammation (even while reducing symptoms).

I wanted to make sure Moxie's readers understood the difference in terms, because it can have real health implications if either problem is treated incorrectly. The articles I linked have a lot of good info. Reece (above) did the right thing removing dairy, though 'lactose intolerance' would be unaffected by that (only a protien intolerance or reaction would be affected; lactose levels in milk are not affected by diet changes). I still run into medical specialists who can't remember or don't know the difference, so it is up to the parents to be sure to know what each term means, I'm afraid.

[Erin]

My daughter is 10 weeks, so we're just starting to see the light at the end of the fussy evening tunnel. Squirmy was the same way as your baby--we could get her to fall asleep, but then she'd freak out if we put her down. I had a lot of fun on the nights when my husband worked evening shifts. Those were some of my darkest hours. I would get so frustrated and then I'd feel guilty for being frustrated. I felt like a failure.

Anyway, here are some things that have worked for us. First, we figured out that her fussiness tended to start around 5pm (sometimes 4pm) and would try to get her to sleep or at least keep her from getting overstimulated before or at that time. Swaddling her helped a lot (and when she started getting out of our receiving blankets, we got a Miracle Blanket, which works really well). We needed a pacifier, because at that time of the evening, Squirmy would often get frustrated at the breast. My husband would take her outside for a walk sometimes--no matter how chilly it was outside. Occasionally, swaddling her arms and strapping her in the swing would help. (We had to swaddle her arms or else she'd do that overstimulated arm flailing thing and get more worked up.) Mostly, though, one of us would just hold her until we reached the hour when she would go down for her long stretch of sleep (usually around 9 or 10pm).

Definitely give the Happiest Baby on the Block book or video a try. You might be able to get them from your library. Also, I thought going to a new mothers' support group helped me feel less alone in my struggle. The added bonsu was that nurse who ran the support group was awesome and would always help people soothe their babies during the group, thus giving us some skills we could take home.

By the way, this week, I've been successful at starting Squirmy's bedtime routine around 6pm and getting her in bed by 7pm. It's made such a difference, and I've really enjoyed being able to eat dinner at the same time as my husband again and have a couple hours to do what I want to do.

You're a good mom for caring so much about your baby to seek advice and encouragement, and you will get through this.

[Shandra]

I wore my son (sling and then Ergo) and walked outside and that was a lifesaver.

But another thing that helped him was to hold him and sit/bounce on an exercise ball. I went through several seasons of tv on dvd that way.

For the moving thing, one suggestion I have is try holding a stuffed animal against his tummy as you move him and then keeping the pressure on it as you lie him on his back and then gradually easing up and then finally retrieving the toy. That helped with my son.

[Melis]

The vacuum? My son is 2 and acts as though we tried to suck him up with it as an infant-the kid wailed harder when we turned it on, and still does to this day (although now he points to the closet and says "Vacuum owie" instead).

Simethicone was our very best friend in the whole wide world. We should own stock in the company that makes Mylicon.

[Kathy B.]

Well -- I don't have any suggestions that have not already been posted -- but . . . .

I thought the opiates were for MOM, not the kids hmmmmmm

[lydia]

My daughter was fussy seemingly round the clock. Was annoying because she COULD usually be consoled, but we had to work so darn hard all the time. What I wouldn't have given to be able to sit in a chair and nurse and watch TV.

Some weird things that worked: Going outside, especially at night to the corner to watch the traffic light change. Vigorous dancing to cranked-up Barry White. Staring at her father's Barbasol can in the bathroom with the fan on while I swayed back and forth. (That can was like magic for four weeks, and then lost all power).

Anyway, you're less likely to think of or read about solutions than you are to hit upon them randomly out of pure desperation. But it does pass! Really!!

[CathyY]

Lordie those were hard times!!! The clouds eventually break and you can see the light of day again - promise. For us, it was walking walking WALKINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG. For hours. Swaying under some simple white noise helped. In our hallway is the vent to an attic fan that runs 24/7 and it was the perfect white noise for her. Unfortunately, it took me awhile to discover it. :(

[Purple_Kangaroo]

Thank you for the reminder that it's good enough to be there soothing the baby even when you can't fix the problem. We haven't figured out yet what's making my 14-month-old scream and writhe in pain for days at a time, but I feel so inadequate just pacing the floor and crying with her. I needed to read this.

[Purple_Kangaroo]

Oh, also wanted to mention to those that have protracted fussiness that seems to be more intense and last longer than it should; for us food allergies (what I was eating, since I was nursing) were a huge culprit.

Unfortunately, we haven't seemed to pinpoint all the problem foods yet. So far she's tested allergic on a skin test to 8 different very common foods (soy, corn, oats, apples, bananas, etc), some of which are recent developments.

[Caroline]

No other suggestions to add, just another reminder of how deeply frustrating and painful this phase is. Our daughter didn't have it bad, but even her reasonably short bouts of inconsolable crying were surprisingly hard on us. We did 15 minute shifts when it got bad. You can watch the clock and see the light at the end of the tunnel (for yourself, at least) and often the less frustrated partner can figure out something that works for the baby.

[londoner]

Yay to the exercise ball - either holding babe cradlestyle, or over your shoulder. Slow bounces in the dark. When I looked back on the 3 weeks we had of this I also realised that we really hadn't figured out the two-hour rule - when the baby's been up that long they need to be asleep again - and sometimes at that age they suddenly can't figure out how to get there, and dark and motion can be the best help. Also, nursing in a warm bath, lights low.

[Susanne]

Walking around with the baby in a sling. Taking turns (I'd sleep from 9 to 12 and then take the baby again.) It started when my son was about 3 weeks old and got better when he hit 12 weeks. I constantly monitored his crying because I hoped it would be enough to justify seeing an expert. It never was, but he cried for hours every day. Often, just nothing helped. Somebody told me that, since crying is the only form of communication that babies know, this is only their way of venting.

I never forget the day when a friend came to visit and ended up carrying our crying baby for an hour while my husband and I fell asleep from exhaustion...

[ikate]

my 5 week old loves the hair dryer, I now have a "hair dryer white noise" cd from purewhitenoise.com (safer in case mom dozes off, too!) it's fantastic and turns off the crying like a switch (i made a copy for the car, as well)

movement works as well. the swing doesn't cut it so we strap her in her carseat/carrier and swing it in long, swooping patterns - she loves it (so do my arm muscles!)

[Fahmi]

For us, it was from 4 to 7. That is, from 4am to 7am, and 4pm to 7pm. Without fail.

For the AM meltdown, he didn't need any sounds. We just held him in our arms, put a pillow on our laps and rested our arms, and watched TV without sound. The flickering from the light calmed him down, and being held helped.

For the PM meltdown, we did the same thing with the pillow, except played soft music. The pillow saved our arms.

Thankfully, by the time he was 6 to 8 weeks old, this started going away.

[Stephanie]

This is not specific to crying, just to phases where baby is needing specific one on one attention, and you are losing your mind. My husband and I take shifts. I know this doesn't sound radical and new, but I would always hear about parents taking shifts, and it always sounded like they'd do two hours or more before switching. I thought I would die dealing with this for that long!! My husband and I take half hour shifts. There are even times when we only do 20 minutes at a time. Don't feel like you have to run a marathon. If you have a partner who can share this with you, tell your partner how much you think you can stand at a time, and that's when your shift is over. Your next shift will be soon, and if you are trying to put your baby to sleep it may take a little longer with all the transferring, but it staves off going crazy for a lot longer.

[Jodie]

OK, first thing to know is that although there can sometimes be a medical issue involved, most of the time it's normal, normal, normal. I'd keep telling myself there were millions of mums around the world going through the same thing at the same time. Even if you don't completely mean it, say lovely, soothing things in a lovely, soothing tone. It can help both of you!

Baths worked a treat for us, and I pretty much sat on the couch and breastfed from 5pm to about 9 when my dd would pass out, and so would I. Sometimes the sling worked, sometimes not. Going for a walk was also a good option, and if nothing would stop the crying then at least it was diluted in the fresh air!

Get someone, anyone, to come and hold the baby. Sometimes they will stop crying when passed to a fresh new person who thinks the crying is adorable (eg Grandma).

Soothing classical music worked sometimes, and lying on the bed with my daughter (at least I was resting).

You've had a lot of good advice here. It sucks to hear "it will pass" when you're in the middle of it...but it is all true. I wasn't nearly so stressed with my second because I kept thinking "Wow, this will all be over in 6 weeks. He's growing up too fast. Oh he's so tiny. Waaaaahhh!". Yep, me crying more than him!

[hedra]

Was just thinking about this - there's a reason that every culture in the world has one category of music that is pretty much identical, and translates just the same: Lullabyes. And they are all desperate parents singing 'PLEASE, please-please-please, I'll do anything, I'll give you anything, I'll threaten anything, just stop crying and go to sleep!!!' :)

[Katie]

I had the same with my son. It was last summer so when put the kids in the stroller and went for a walk. If not a walk then running the water (white noise) or just taking a walk around the house helped.
When my husband's grandmother was alive and suffering from Alzheimer's she and other suffered from Sundowning it was called. I know of others who mood changes once the sun sets... make winter very hard.

[bernalgirl]

Ours was a swaddle- and bounce-me girl, and her witching hour was 4-9 PM. I'd walk outside, even though it was cold, with her bundled up in a sling, until about 6 PM.

Once I walked our hill nearly twice before she settled down, with people stopping to tell me I should feed her (like I hadn't tried that), but being outside made me feel less insane. It was good to be able to hand her over to her dad for the second half of the session.

It stopped as quickly as it started, one night there was no witching hour, I think it was at 6-7 weeks.

One trick that worked a charm for us when she was ready for sleep: running a blow dryer in her room. She'd reliably fall asleep within 10 minutes. Get one with a cool setting so you don't have to worry about burning down your house.

[Alemap]

You know, nine months ago, when we were starting the whole colic thing, I never thought that I'd see the end of it. We had it in a moderate to extreme form for four months (!) and tried the usual things - ruling out dairy, etc. Our very reputable doc said everyone "thinks" it's a dairy thing, but it is actually very, very rare to have a true lactose intolerance. (Then again, my son had his first yogurt recently and broke out - go figure.) Karp worked wonders but my son hated being swaddled initially, so it took a bit of time to get a technique down (and he NEVER sttn in the swing). Slings worked sometimes, too. And we coslept out of necessity - still do. One of the best changes-of-mind in my life!

Anyway, my point is we all kind of go through the "apparent" culprits and techniques and finally settle on something that works. I think that parents of kids who fuss - especially those who fuss a LOT - really learn a lot about creativity and its power in parenting. Personally, I also think that there is an unspoken bond between folks who've spent weeks (or months) tending a fussy little one with TLC. Part of that bond is an auto-chuckle to well-meaning but clueless parents of non-fussers - or, worse still, non-parents who offer unsolicited advice.

Am happy to see someone backed up the notion about at least trying to comfort them. That's what my instinct said - even when my arm was about to break from jiggling and I thought I would go deaf (earplugs are a good investment). At the same time, it goes without saying that if you are really wiped out, it is okay (and recommended) to step away from situation and leave the baby in the crib for a few minutes to protect yourselves from something regretable.

Fast forward a few months and you'll prolly discover that your fusser is a bit precocious. We did - and so has just about everyone else that I've talked with who has had a similar situation.

[Vanessa]

Oh wow. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel. My daughter was colicky for 3.5 long long months. There is plenty of very good advice posted. I just wanted to add one more thing. It is very important to take time out for yourself during this time. You will feel refreshed, energized, calm and have cleared your head enough to help baby out. If you have a partner try to take turns. My husband would take her anytime before midnight and then from midnight on it would be my turn. This way we could each get about 5 hrs. of sleep each.
Hope this helps.

[Anabella]

In response to Amy's posting - Dr. Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block video is great for learning the 5 techniques in 20 short minutes instead of however long it is going to take you (ha ha) to read his book. His book however does have some neat info in it that I am enjoying - but only because I can employ his techniques and get a few minutes to read!

[statia]

I know this is an older entry, but my 10 week old went through this at 3 weeks for about a week and a half and just started up again last week. The crying is pitiful. The same cry he had when he got his 2 month shots. Oddly enough, the things that didn't work then, totally work now. A small bottle of water, a bouncy seat, laying him on his stomach. All things he hated 6 weeks ago.

I guess it always helps to keep retrying what didn't work yesterday.

[Donovan]

We just started this with our newborn (5 weeks old) and I'm grateful to hear that we're not the only ones. One thing I've observed: after Kaylee goes through one of these phases, from around 8:00 PM to midnight, she usually sleeps for a luxurious 4 to 5 hours. Last evening, she didn't have her usual crying phase and was up constantly all night. I don't want to draw any conclusions after just one night, but I can handle the crying if I know she will sleep for a good long while afterwards. Anyone else have this experience?

[Karen]

My 3 and a half week old cries pretty much every evening, and every morning. I'm realizing his schedule is this:

Cry for 3 hours-sleep for 6 with one feeding in the middle. My partner and I take shifts-and have been able to calm him down by swaddling, getting him in a dark room away from stimulation and using a white noise machine.

In moments of desperation car rides get him right to sleep-as soon as he is in his carrier bundled up (it's winter) and moving he calms down-and the car ride puts him right to sleep.

[Lori]

I have two other young kids so its hard to find ways to console my 2 month old during her witching hour but I just try to hold her and actually almost ignore her and tend to the other kids needs..make dinner, watch a movie, play on the computer.....babies cry..thats what they do but hopefully she will be like my other two and it will end at 3 months. I read a book that said that the first three months of a baby's life is kind of like the fourth trimester so the baby is adjusting to the outside world just as we are trying to adjust to life with a newborn. Just know that it does end...it might seem like forever, but it does get better.

[Kathie]

This post is old, but I just found it through the serch. My 3 1/2 week old has just started crying all evening the past few nights, and clusterfeeding in a big way (me: "You cannot still be hungry... oh."). I haven't found a solution yet, but will try some of the things suggested here, and just wánted to say that it really helps just to read that so many other people are going through the same thing, or have bben through it and survived. I have been feeling really rotten because he is clearly miserable and I can't make it stop, so it's good to be reassured that I'm helping just by being there. Thanks.