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I didn't watch the show because quite frankly I think they are whoring their family out for personal gain (free trip to Hawaii! yay us!! Smile for the camera, sweetie) and that disgusts me. But what I am finding interesting is that Kate is being so demonized in all of this, when Jon does things like wander into a college-girl party and hit on 19-year-olds. Skeevy. What normal 30-something man DOES THAT? And he hangs out in hotel bars of all places, and generally acts like a passive aggressive little wuss. All I can say is, if I was married to that guy I would be angry too. But almost every media piece I see justifies him because Kate is such a bitch. Well, maybe if he were a grownup she wouldn't have to be.


Also...I'm sorry you're having a tough time, and I wish I could give you a hug and tell you what a great job you're doing and that it's all going to be OK.


What AmyinMotown said. I think they went into this thing thinking it was one thing and it's turned into something else. Yeah, they got a ton of free stuff, but look at the price they've paid for it. I wouldn't trade places for Kate in a million years. I think Jon is passive-aggressive. I just couldn't get over the sadness in her eyes...


I just wanted to say this is the kindest and most compassionate comment I've seen on the topic. So enlightening to hear your perspective, as always.


You are right: It's hard to remember in the not-best moments that that Someone is out there. (He is.) And my heart just breaks for Kate--even if he isn't cheating per se, he's making some lousy decisions. And I get it: living in a house that has ratios not allowed by law in a preschool would lead me to some poor decisions also. (I say that for both of them.) So not what they thought life would bring the day they married.

pnuts mama

their show is one of those that we just can't watch, even a little bit. not b/c it's "reality" not b/c it's exploitation, but b/c it just makes us so uncomfortable what is so obviously a disfunctional couple trapped in a terrible situation.

we can't stand him- my husband has some choice (mostly vulgar) words to describe jon and the ways he acts- lets just say we agree that he is immature and likes to avoid responsibility. and the feminist in me just can't stand the (usual for the patriarchy) way that kate is vilified- she is always made the villian in that ridiculous relationship. and there will be no easy way out for her. it's so sad. it's just too bad that in many marriages this all comes up well after you have had children.

"I think there are a lot of us who are raised to be with a certain kind of man, but then it turns out that we really needed someone with a kind of strength that the men we married just didn't have. And we stay for a long, long time, because we're Good Girls and we convince ourselves it's our own fault somehow. If we were just kinder and softer, he'd step up and be the strength we needed. But you can't change someone." this moxie, is so true. i consider myself the luckiest and most blessed woman to love and be loved by the man who is strong when i am weak, and v/v. if i had to be his mother on top of everyone else's, i would have been out of this a long time ago.

on a much brighter note:

Kathy B.

Very interesting point of view -- totally opposite mine! I have always felt very sorry for Jon and have felt that if she would treat him with just a little bit of kindness he would be more "there" for her.

As always, other points of view give me pause and make me think outside my frame of reference. Haven't changed my mind, but you have certainly given me a different perspective and maybe softened my perception of her just a tiny bit!

In the meantime, here's a hug just because you need one!


I'm with Kathy B. He wanted to end the show, and she said no, because she sees fame and $$$. It's no good for the kids - and he shouldn't be forced to stay home any more than a woman should.


First, I'm so sorry for your rough morning. I wish I could give you a great big hug and help you find your special person (who is definitely out there!).

So here's the thing. I've watched the show for a long time, ALWAYS giving them and their relationship the benefit of the doubt. I mean, if some camera crew caught all of my husband's and my bad moments and edited out most of the good, what would our relationship look like? I snap at him sometimes, he's short with me sometimes. Yet, we actually have a fantastic relationship. We all know having kids just adds so much stress, and I couldn't imagine having that many kids to drive up the stress exponentially. So I always just tried to concentrate on how they tried to work together and how they tried to keep things moving forward and on those few beautiful moments when they laughed and looked happy together.

But now... after all this hubbub and crap about them and between them... I have lost all interest in watching their show. I don't think I can give the benefit of the doubt anymore. Normally, I would have watched at least a few episodes during a marathon weekend or the season premiere. Instead, I enjoyed the heck out of The Deadliest Catch and enjoyed crab cakes for lunch today. ;-)


Oh, and I hope that they both can figure out what they need and how to get what they need. From each other or other people (in a respectful manner). It's what I wish for everyone.


I'm with Caramama. I've watched on and off since the beginning and always just thought that most of their tension was edited to look frequent and cast them into certain roles. We only have three kids and the tension is rough sometimes. I can't imagine having a film crew catch it all and then portraying their own version of events for the world to watch.

On the flip side, as a divorcee myself, I wanted to cry watching them last night. I remember feeling like I didn't know my (first) husband anymore... that it was not a matter of not being on the same page or even book... we weren't in the same library anymore. I remember having to make the decision to ask him to leave. Trust me, no one, for no amount of money, wants to be the one to ask their children's father to leave--even if she knows she has to. I just can't believe they've put it all on display. I wanted to crawl into a ball and hide when the news of my marital issues broke among our family and friends, I can't imagine how or why they would want to discuss it in their show. They do NOT *have* to.

Moxie, he is out there for you! I found mine. You will too.

Carla Hinkle

I am sorry you are feeling so down. Be gentle with yourself and remember that in the scheme of things, a very little time has gone by since you've been single and there are many years and possibilities for you out there.

I am not that sorry for Kate or Jon. She doesn't seem, AT ALL, to me to be the "good girl" who was trying and trying and being sweeter and sweeter to her slacker, juvenile husband hoping he'd get with the program. The show has always showed her constantly tearing him down. Maybe it was editing, maybe she did it because she felt trapped in a marriage that did not turn out the way she thought it would, and probably she still deserves to get out and get someone who will appreciate her (because everyone does), but if there is blame to be passed around it seems to me like they both can shoulder their fair share.

I have occasionally watched the show just because the chaos from all the kids is entertaining. But I always thought that if you constantly tear down and belittle your mate, even if it is your reaction to not feeling like they are fully participating in the relationship, they are going to close off from you eventually.

I also feel like there is a certain amount of "me! look at me! like me!" in both of them to be willing to do a show like this that hinders any sympathy I might have (for anyone except the kids). From what little you've shared of the time when you were dealing with the end of your marriage, it sounded intensely personal and private. Can you imagine opening it up to the whole world *while* it was going on? I don't get it.


I think Kate is mentally ill, and I say that without a hint of malice. I used to watch this show because I thought they were keeping it "real" with their relationship and because Kate reminded me of myself in many ways. Then I realized that I'm trying to overcome a personality disorder, so I started paying more attention to her behavior, and I realized that she has some major issues. Does she love Jon? I think so, yes. Does she love her kids? Yes. But she's controlling and selfish and I think it's a byproduct of the struggling she does inside her own head. This isn't about her not being treated like she's special, though I have no doubt that's what she sometimes feels. It's also not about her being strong while her husband is weak and blaming herself for the discrepancy and not allowing herself to feel disappointment. It's more about her needing to learn to regulate her own emotions and foster her own self esteem in a healthy way. I learned that for myself through a lot of personal (and couples) therapy.

As for Jon, I don't excuse his supposed adultery one bit. But I get the feeling that he once adored Kate and her strength, but he's been struggling with a spouse whom he no longer recognizes because she went off the rails. She has been verbally and emotionally abusing him for quite awhile now. He's tired of it, passive aggressive slacker that he is, and he self destructed and in the process made some really horrible choices out of hurt and spite. Maybe he's trying to break her down so she'll see his pain, but he's done a really poor job of it.

It's a really awful situation all the way around. They both need help. And they need to pull the plug on this show.


I can't believe I'm putting my two cents in here, but anyway. Jon is horrible. Seriously, go re-watch everything, you people who put all the blame on Kate. He, from the beginning, has acted like the 9th child, throwing things, pouting, etc. Neither of them are perfect but Jon deserves no sympathy.


I stopped watching the show about a year or two ago mostly because I had a hard time watching Kate tear him down - especially in front of the kids. Man, what a way to teach your girls how to treat their future husbands, and what a way to teach your sons what to look for in a wife. On the flip side, I totally agree that Jon is passive aggressive and basically an 8 year old at heart.

I know what it's like to have someone speak to me in that tone of voice, day in and day out. It's demoralizing and humiliating. But it's no excuse for the choices he's made, or the behavior he shows. I also know what it's like to be married to someone who sits in front of the tv and asks the kids to be quiet at 6:00 instead of waiting until after bedtime like the rest of the adults in the house. But it's no excuse to bark at him, belittle him, boss him around, and call him names.

I admit I tuned in last night to watch. Mostly because I wanted to see what they each had to say about the situation, and like Moxie, my heart broke to see the sadness in her eyes. And startling to see the complete disconnect in his eyes. He is clearly done with this relationship. I would like to see them end the show so they can deal with this in private. Perhaps at some point they can resume the show once they've figured it all out - a new reality show on what it's like to be single parents of multiples - but I do not want a front row seat to watch the destruction of a marriage and to watch their kids deal with their world coming apart at the seams. I don't want to see that. I don't think either of them is a bad person, just two people who chose the wrong person to marry. And perhaps it should be a cautionary tale to those out there who are about to marry someone they know, deep down inside their hearts, is the wrong person for them. Calling off a wedding and disappointing your great-aunt Edna is a small price to pay compared to the misery of being married to (and raising kids with) the wrong person.


Thank you for this. I really don't understand the malice people feel towards this couple. I don't think either one of them had any idea what their lives would become once they signed on. We've had some awful moments here, and I can't imagine doing it in front of the camera.


Watching this last night, my husband said, "Well, obviously they're not seeing a therapist, because anyone decent would have told them to get the hell off TV."

I've watched the show for a long time (hello, bed rest) and I think there's plenty of blame to go around. I agree with everything everyone has said about Kate being emotionally abusive (and possibly mentally ill) and Jon being passive aggressive and childish. Whatever their reasons for deciding to do the show in the first place, I cannot fathom why they are still doing it now. Surely, if they are really doing it all "for the kids," they would realize that the show itself was putting undue stress on their marriage, and would want to take time away from it to heal. And even if they felt their marriage was completely beyond saving, why would they want this incredibly painful time for their family broadcast to everyone? Surely however much money they'd lose from breaking a contract would be worth it to spare their children that humiliation.

If anything, I blame the TLC exec who had the power to do the right thing and cancel this show...and chose ratings over the well being of this family.


Another reader who thought that most of the conflict was contrived. Although after this most recent show, they both have a desperate look in their eyes. As for the cause of their relationship problems, I do think that we get a skewed view of it based on what we see-as with any marriage there are only two people who know what is really going on (and even the two people may have very different views and perspectives).

I don't think that I can blame either of them for the problems that they have in their very personal relationship. I do worry about what this is going to do to the kids and I do wonder about the TLC execs who chose ratings over the health of the family (I don't even know that they had to cancel the show forever, they could have filmed the new normal-whatever that may be)

So, I will be "voting" the only way I know how and I will not be watching anymore. I do hope for the best for everyone in the family.


I think that if the roles were reversed, and JON was the one who was being verbally abusive, y'all would be screaming for his head. But since it's the woman doing it, all of a sudden everyone's looking for a "reason" that she is the way she is.

Maybe she is mentally ill. Maybe she's reacting to being "in her prison." But maybe, just maybe, she's just a bitch.

I don't excuse his actions in the slightest. He IS passive-aggressive and extremely immature and has made some horrible choice. But it's a chicken/egg situation -- is he the way he is because of her, or is she that way because of him?


The whole thing makes me sad. I think they really liked each other when they got married and they survived twins still in love enough to want more. No one - no one - can prepare for six babies at once. The first few seasons it wasn't about fame and trips and stuff - it was survival. The same as it is in any family coping with newborns, babies, and toddlers. Hopefully, you come out the other side with a stronger relationship with your spouse but sometimes you come out of it alone. It just makes me really sad for them.


I wish TLC would cancel the show. Now. And never let them be on TV again. For the kids sake.


Moxie - I'm sorry you are feeling so down. Hang in there.

Interesting perspective. They remind me a lot of my BIL and SIL. Their relationship is so similar it's a bit startling...but they only have 2 kids to add to the marital stress.

Every time I find my self judging those two I think..these people had 8 children under three before they turned 30! And not by choice like the Duggars. I'd need to be committed in the same situation.


I love what you said, Moxie. I am sad for Kate. I was completely irritated with Jon and his half-ass half-hearted responses to things.

My heart broke when one of the girls said to Jon at the party that she didn't want him to be gone so much anymore. It made me so sad.

Kate definitely is way too hard on Jon or well, it isn't okay that she belittles him all the time. But she also is dealing with 8 kids, 6 of whom are the same age. I have one daughter right now and she can be so demanding that I cannot imagine the situation they're in, with 6 little demanding kiddos!

I agree also when someone above said that they should end the show so they can deal with this without the media and then possibly pick it up later. Have they tried marriage counseling? Is it beyond that now?


Your perspective on this, Moxie, is truly compassionate, and yes, unlike anything else out there. I am absolutely certain that you'll find a wonderful Someone for you; I know it deep in my heart.

It was sad to watch (and watch I did; even though I said I wouldn't). I also thought I saw true sadness in Kate's eyes; and yes, I thought Jon was already long gone. It's not about who cheated or didn't; it's that they neither one said, "I love her/him."

I don't believe that anyone is "just a bitch" - I think that attitude of hers masks her pain. I don't presume to know WHAT is going on in her head, but there is something very sad about someone who cuts off all of her family. I truly do hope she can get well; and I really do hope they stop filming, and soon. It will be worth so much more than all that money in the bank.

Becky H

"Every time I find my self judging those two I think..these people had 8 children under three before they turned 30! And not by choice like the Duggars."

I just want to point out that they did have a choice. They chose to do fertility treatments that result in multiples. They chose not to do selective reduction when they found out there were 6 babies. And they chose to put their lives on display. I'm not judging these decisions, I'm just saying we always have choices. Maybe not easy ones, but choices none the less.

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