No Sleep 'Til

It's a trifecta of suck right now for El Pequeño, and consequently for me.

He hit the 8-month sleep regression early, while we were at my parents'. Maybe it wasn't the actual sleep regression; maybe he was just waking up so often because he hadn't been to my parents' house before. But it's segued into the sleep regression here at home. I'm just going to call him precocious, since he won't be eight months old for another week.

The poor kid is teething (again? still?) and that makes him cry and chew on everything in sight. He wakes up in the middle of the night with those little yelps of pain.

And he's on the verge of crawling. He spends almost all his waking hours on all four, rocking and growling. Every once in awhile he'll put one arm forward followed by the knee. Once he even did hand-knee-hand-knee. But it hasn't taken off yet. So whenever he tries to sleep, at night or for naps, he wakes up to find himself on all fours, practicing crawling.

I feel bad for him. But it is not good for me. Not good at all. Last night I got 5 non-consecutive hours of sleep. Mostly because I didn't go to bed until 1 am. I'm scared to go to bed, because if I'm awake and he wakes up, I just comfort him and go back to blogging or reading or Sudoku or whatever I was doing to pass the time until El Grande makes me go to bed. But once I'm asleep, the wakeups make my head hurt. They make me think mean things about El P, and sometimes they make me cry.

I'm afraid to go to bed. So I don't go to bed. So I get less sleep. But I just can't face waking up, so I'm afraid to sleep.

I remember when El Chico was in this sleep regression. I just could not believe that after so many months of busting my ass to be the best mother I could be, taking care of all his needs, being right there whenever he needed me, that he was not only not sleeping through the night, but that he was sleeping worse than he'd been a few months earlier. Hopeless almost comes close to describing the way I felt. Despondent is closer.

I don't remember what I wrote to my (now other, at the time only) online community. I don't know if I was blunt enough and beaten down enough to say "I can't take this anymore. I feel like a failure," or if I said something like "This is really rough" instead. I got sympathy, a few suggestions to do CIO, and a few funny-in-hindsight anecdotes. The anecdotes helped the most, with sympathy coming in a close second.

This is the anecdote I offer anyone going through this right now, anyone who has gone through it, anyone who will be going through it. This is the anecdote I offer myself:

One night when El Chico was not too far over a year old, I woke up in the middle of the night, then looked out the window and realized by the light that it was really morning. And El Chico hadn't woken up. I panicked and ran into his room to make sure he was still breathing! He was, of course, and I laughed at myself for having been scared by his sleeping through instead of happy about it. He slept through two more nights that week, and a few more nights the next week, and eventually I stopped waking up in a panic.

Now he is almost 4. He puts on his own pajamas, brushes his teeth, and says, "Goodnight, Mama! I'll see you in my dreams and in the morning" and gets into bed and goes to sleep.

It will happen with El Pequeño. It will happen with your child.

It will happen.

Comments

[Eulallia]

"But I just can't face waking up, so I'm afraid to sleep"

I feel the EXACT SAME WAY. Both of my kids have been horrible sleepers, and there have been times that I've felt like my mind was shoved through a sausage grinder and fed to the chickens down the street. When they are waking up so often, it's worse to go to sleep yourself because you know it won't last. You hear that wailing cry again, and it's the ultimate "I told you so." I'm sorry you're going through this right now, I know how much it sucks. I send you lots of comforting mommy-strength through the internet...

[wix]

moxie, i so, so, so feel for you. if it's any consolation, CX's first night of 100%-sleeping-through-the-night was, oh, three days ago? and he'll be 20 months on sunday. all those months i got the five non-consecutive hours of sleep. i know what cake-batter-brain feels like. the best tonic for that is exactly what you said: el-p will sleep. he's a young, confused man yet. be kind to yourself.

[k]

ah i remember a rambling email i sent to you at this stage, what only a couple of months ago... so yes i know how you feel...
i have a friend who writes gritty social drama for television - and she manages to look at anything that happens to her as great material for work... and since i cant say it's gotten much better yet (but i am getting better at dealing with it, i guess) i am choosing to look at all of this as great material for future funny-in-hindsight stories...
so all i can say is, keep notes :)

[Janie]

Hey Moxie,

Longtime lurker first time commenter here - I so feel for you. I've got a 9-month old who didn't sleep more than 3 hours at a stretch until just before Christmas, and I have weighed the pros and cons of trying to get some sleep myself vs. staying awake because I know I'll be waking up soon anyway.

I have read enough of your blog to know that you know this, but you are tired and exhausted and desperate right now: How your child sleeps is NO REFLECTION AT ALL of your worth as a mother.

These sweet babies are going to do what they are going to do at night, you know? It doesn't mean you did anything wrong! You point it out yourself - it's just a phase and you'll get back to "normal" (or whatever "normal" is at that particular time!).

Hang in there and try to find some way to get a good long stretch of sleep (even a great nap during the day) - it will restore you and give you strength to go forward.

You are a wonderful mom and you're doing everything right! My heart goes out to you!

[Jody]

Wow, that's your 4yo bedtime routine? I want your kid! Or at least for him to teach some other kids his teeth-brushing habits.

[kate]

Oh boy, do you have my sympathy. I wish I could offer an anecdote, but Cam's my first so I don't have proof yet that he will ever sleep through ;-)

I hate being afraid to sleep. . .it's a visious cycle, I find. The less I sleep, the more squirrely and wired and scared of sleep I become. It is so, so brutal.

I really hope it ends soon for you Moxie. Hang in there.

[Christine]

Greetings from the trenches.

Paul hasn't understood what you articulated perfectly - that I wish I didn't have to sleep because staying awake is better than being awoken repeatedly.

He did a 3 hour stretch last night and woke up giggling and playing. I'm starting to feel like I'm getting somewhere.

[Ally]

It will happen. It will! I believe you, and it hasn't even happened for us yet.

What really sucks in hindsight is the brief, magical time when Jamie was nightweaned and sleeping 6+ hours in a row, I squandered that time and was up so late those nights. Why? Because I kept waiting for him to wake up. Curses!

I remember getting into a row with MD when Jamie was a newborn, because he kept telling me to go to bed, and I kept sobbing, "I can't bear being woken up one more time!!"

[Menita]

Are you sure it'll happen? Polly is waking up screaming. SCREAMING. I get palpitations every single time. Until 10 days ago she was a champion through-the-night sleeper. We simply don't have the training to take this with the good grace we should. Will try to remember that this too shall pass.

[Monica]

Oh, thank you so much for this post! I have been trying to formulate a question about this for Ask Moxie, but I am too sleep deprived! My 5 month old has never been a champion sleeper...but we WERE down to once a night and now sudden she's up every 90 or so minutes, like clockwork. And like you said, it's getting to the point where I would rather just stay up then do the wakeup/sleep/wakeup-in-an-hour thing. It also gives me a horrible headache and makes me think evil, self-pitying thoughts about the universe.

I KNOW she's got a bit of a cold, and she's teething, and we're still away from home (at my inlaws)...but none of that helps at 5am when I have already gotten up 4 or 5 times.

[happy]

Thank you do much for the anecdote. I kep telling myself that "this too shall pass" too. Mostly because that's what people tell me but not because of experience seeing as I am only a first time mom. I am also wondering why for the last 5 weeks all I hear about is the 8-month-old sleep regression and I never heard about it before. Yet, he slept through the night when he turned 15 weeks all the way to a week before eight months and it's been almost six weeks since then. On top of that he will only go down after being nursed, so I am now nursing him as much as I nursed him when he was newborn yet he's 9 months old. That boy is sucking me dry I tell you. I can feel it when he keeps sucking but no milk is coming out.
I hope it passes sooner rather than later.
Good luck!

[Amy]

I didn't know there was such a thing as an 8 month sleep regresion. Thanks for the heads up.

[lisa]

Do you promise? Really? Someday? Mine will be 1 in 2 weeks and he has NEVER, ever, slept more than 5 hours. And that only happened a couple of times.

Now he's waking every 45 minutes and fussing unless he's nursing. Pre-walking stress? Just-started-solids indegestion? 12 month sleep regression? Who knows.. all I ask for is that sometime in the next 5 years I can sleep for 6 hours straight, just once.

[Spacemom]

Yes, I understand. my little one is 18 months and doesn't sleep all night. Her sister did, by 2.5 years. It will come. It will come!

[ValleyGal]

That's the perfect way to describe it -- it's better to stay awake than to be woken up. So true.

[Jill]

Wow. I just searched on google for an 11-month old not sleeping through the night and your site came up with the keywords. I am thrilled to see that I'm not the only one. I'm a single mother, so I'm the only one getting up. Nico slept through the night for 2 weeks before he was 7 months old. Since then, he's at least been up once a night. But lately, the past week or so, it's 6 or 7 times and screaming for no reason. I comfort him and put him back down. I am hoping it is his teething pain and that it will pass. I am at my wits end! But in the morning when I see his smiling little face, it makes me forget how tired I am. Until I get to work :)