Thank you

Thank you for all your comments and emails. I really didn't sleep very well the night after it happened. All night I kept replaying the conversation in my head, thinking about what I should have said or wished I could have said. Or how I shouldn't have been such a dumbass to get into a conversation like that in the first place.

I was also thinking about how I would defend the boys or fight an attacker off. It's not that new of a nighttime worry for me, actually. Since having a second child, I've been almost hyperaware of how difficult it would be to take care of two children instead of just one in an emergency. Between the BTK killer and Katrina, I've really been thinking about the logistics of having to pick up two kids and run. It makes me feel extremely vulnerable. For those of you who have more than two kids, do you ever think about this? Or is it just my hormones, combined with recent events, that brings this to mind sometimes?

[A funny aside for my Christian readers: Now I know that God doesn't make bargains or deals, and doesn't give signs. But that didn't stop me from asking for a sign in the middle of the night after the encounter. "Should I be worried about this guy? Just give me a sign one way or another. Please." So a few minutes later El Grande's clock radio came on even more loudly than usual, with the sound of ...static. There was nothing there. OK, God, I get it. A big ROFLMAO to you, too.]

Last night El Grande swung back past the coffee shop to see if my (un)witting tormentor was there, but he wasn't. I hope he's finding some kind of peace with this whole thing. And I hope he puts it together that this "beauty in death and chaos" thing he's got going is only because he was hurt so badly by his own mother, and that he can choose a different future.

So. Lessons learned:

1. Stop talking to strangers. Really.
2. Keep my cell phone charged up all the time.
3. All I can do is the best I can do.
4. Be grateful for my alpha-male husband.
5. Have faith in God, but lock both locks on the apartment door.

Comments

[Kate W.]

It's the whole feeling vulnerable thing that gets me. I hate that uneasy feeling like when someone is in your personal space or you catch someone staring at you or your children. It's sad that in todays society, we can't just have a "normal" conversation with a stranger. I am a firm believer of never second guessing your first instinct. If something is not "right" don't push it off as nothing. Hope you are sleeping better!

[Jill]

I'm so sorry such a scary thing happened. I'll never forget reading The Poisonwood Bible, and the mom had to choose which child she would save. She told the other daughter something like, "Mothers take care of their children from the bottom up." And I realized how true that was.

Thanks for sharing. I think we all learned something from your experience.

[liz]

That there is a pretty good list. One that you should pass on to your kids.

Big hugs.

[El Grande]

Arrgh. Urrgh. *grunt*

[Amie]

Now that we have boys in two separate bedrooms, I always wonder what I would do in case of a fire or somebody breaking in. My dh works the night shift, so that doesn't help.

[Smartmouth Mombie]

Oh, I'm not crazy for worrying about how I would rescue both of my kids if there was a fire or natural disaster? YAY! I'm glad to hear that other moms think this way too. (note to self - do NOT read The Poisonwood Bible)

Sorry to hear about your encounter with that creepy guy. I would have been upset about that too.

[Jody]

Yeah, note to self, too: NO Poisonwood Bible.

When the kids were little, I kept a laundry basket in the nursery, and knew I could either lift it or drag them bumping down the stairs. (Oh, sure, you think that big old basket of unfolded clean laundry was a HOUSEKEEPING choice. Ha. Ha ha ha.)

I did have those nightmare thoughts -- what if three people come and grab babies and run in three different direction -- but you know? Stranger kidnappings and murders of children are rare as hens teeth. About a hundred a year, out of how many kids? You're in more danger crossing the road.

Which doesn't mean that I don't obsess, just that I obsess about different things. Like, for example, crossing the road....

[Mara]

Hi - this is my first comment here; stumbled upon your site sometime after finding Chez Miscarriage via Making Light's link to the 'drive-by mommy' posts several months ago. Tend to lurk because I'm single & childless and thus rarely feel that I've got anything to contribute to the discussion, happy just to look through the window at a life so different from mine.

Have you ever read anything by Gavin DeBecker? I can't recommend him highly enough - "The Gift of Fear" is the first book, about learning to trust your instincts and how to better recognize the warning signs of true danger. "Protecting The Gift" is the second, contains a lot of the same info as the first book, but is specifically about keeping your children safe and teaching them the skills they'll need to keep themselves safe as they get older.

It sounds over-the-top to say that I wish every woman would read these books, or, as the blurb says "This book will SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!!eleventyone!!" (well, not literally, but, that's how it comes off), but it really can, and I really do wish I could get everyone to read it. I think you might get some reassurance from it, there's a whole section on stalkers/unwanted attention. It sounds to me like, as freaky as this guy was, he is not emotionally invested in you & your family to the extent that would put you in true danger. But, one of the main points that DeBecker makes is that the only one who can decide if you are in danger is _you_, not some random stranger on the internet like myself.

[Menita]

Shit. That was...unsettling to say the least. Your list sounds like a good one.
I agree that the talkers are not usually the doers but I can imagine how utterly terrifying that conversation must have been. Shit.

[Linda B]

Eep, that sounded like a freaky encounter. I am very glad you had your husband check him out again.

[Jenny]

Your list is good! Except, don't stop talking to strangers entirely, maybe? Perhaps be aware that any stranger who wants to go as deep with another stranger as that guy did with you should be backed away from though!

But a few friendly words from a stranger can make so much difference to someone who is lonely. But, I don't blame you if you feel too freaked out to do that anymore!