I even wrapped the present yesterday

I have a confession to make.

I haven't been taking my flax seed oil capsules.

I know. I'm the world's biggest pusher of flax seed oil capsules, but I keep forgetting to take them. Plus I've just been so cocky since it's my second baby and surely I don't need the magic oily pills to keep my problems at bay.

Right. I've been starting to feel a little stressed out and tired, in that "everything's just really hard" kind of way that indicates the very very beginning of depression (you're nodding your heads now, those of you who know what I mean). And, ha ha!, I have a nasty plugged duct that wants to turn into mastitis.

I woke up this morning with that feeling in my right boob that just screams out "plugged duct at 7 o'clock! danger!". So I found my flax seed oil capsules, popped three, popped some prenatals (also forgotten recently), drank a big glass of water, and set up to nurse through it. (Do not fool yourself into thinking that I did this as soon as I woke up. I actually wrenched my head out of the co-sleeper, wiped spit-up off my bicep, changed a diaper, made some cinnamon-raisin toast with not too much butter but "more butter than that, Mama!!" and kissed my husband good morning. Then I took the pills.)

When you have a plugged duct, the best way to get rid of it is to nurse it through. The best position is to put the baby's chin at the plugged place. I prepared to do this by putting El Pequeño on his back on the bed, and hovering over him to lower my nipple into his pretoothed maw. El Grande was there and didn't know what I was doing, but he watched with great interest and then made his grand pronouncement:

"Lower the Orb of Nutrition."

See what I have to put up with? He really thought he was the funniest thing ever, and went off on a Dr. Evil-style riff.

Dr. Evil voice: Lower the Orb of Nutrition!
Frau voice: Lower the Orb!!
Dr. EVil voice: This milk is fricking delicious!

I am married to a dork.

So after I nursed (the pain tells you it's working, yessiree) I could practically feel the battle royale taking place in my boob. The little angel sitting on my jug was saying something sweet and light like, "Oh, let's just make it a simple plugged duct. She can nurse through it and it'll be gone in a day or two!" but the little devil sitting on the other side of the hooter was snarling, "I demand mastitis! Chills, fever, sweating, and swelling! Swelling, I say, until this one's twice the size of the other one!"

I popped two Tylenol and rounded up my two boys and walked through someone's armpit to get to the subway to go to one of the outer boros for a birthday party. (No, not Brooklyn. One of the outer boros.) If you saw Entourage last night, it was kind of like trekking out to Malibu, except I was with El Chico instead of with Turtle, and no one got road rage, and I didn't smash anyone's windshield with a golf club, and I didn't book a movie of the week for NBC. But I did answer the question, "Is the next stop J's house, Mama?" 17 times. (I am not exaggerating. There are 17 stops to El Chico's friend's house, and he asked at each one.) An hour later we struggled up the steps out into the heat and blazing sun to a backyard party full mostly of people I didn't know. The birthday boy's father forced me to eat three hot dogs. I broke up several preschooler fights, tried to console El Pequeño because of the non-stop teething, and worried constantly about sun exposure. I sweated constantly for three hours. In the blazing sun. After the cake (made with this! which I covet!) we packed up for the trip home (which turned into rush hour a few stops from our apartment--ha ha!) and sweet, sweet Manhattan.

I am now in the delicious air conditioning, with El Pequeño asleep and Els Grande and Chico at the water park. In two hours I will be asleep, and in the morning I hope to wake to find that the angel has won the Battle of the Boob.

Must take more flax seed oil.

Comments

[Menita]

Now why do I feel like hugging you while saying "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry" and laughing hysterically at you all at once?
But mostly I want to hug you.

[boxing octopus]

thanks for the plugged duct tip!

[Kris]

Ah, flaxseed oil for clogged ducts. Makes sense! I have the prenatal with the oil supplement, but of course I've been forgetting to take those.

I seem to have multiple roving clogged ducts. I think from all the pumping the LC had me doing when I used the nipple shield. I've had the lumps and pain since Friday, so maybe I should just check in with the lactation consultant. I've never had mastitis but your description makes me want to avoid it. Best of luck to you, fellow infant nurser!

Thanks for the chin to duct tip. Feels like needle driving into nipple, no?

[Julie]

I am heartily ashamed to admit this, because I do feel your pain, but I thought your husband's take on the Orb of Nutrition was hilarious.

[Monica]

Plugged ducts are horrible - I hope your little one wins that battle. Feel better soon, Moxie.

[Jamie]

I will put my LC hat on just for a minute, to say that usually infectious mastitis descends with a bang -- out of nowhere you have sore breast plus fever/achiness/the "how'd that truck hit me when I didn't see it coming?" feeling. Plugged ducts are painful and frustrating, but in most cases they don't progress to systemic infections. Just mentioning it in hopes of diminishing your stress next time.

Now wearing the fellow mom with oversupply hat: much sympathy. Have you tried the trick where you nurse in sidelying from the top (affected) breast? Sometimes it will clear in your sleep that way.

Three hot dogs, huh? Was he trying to be hospitable or sadistic?

[Cecily]

Dude--OUCH on the boob thing. So sorry.

But on an unrelated note, why DOES Entourage rock? It's totally sexist, and still the most engaging 1/2 hour on TV. I know it's popular, since my radio station played "Tiny Dancer" twice the next day... heh.

[Jo]

You...with the plugged duct...and the hot sun...and the hot dogs...

Urgh. I am queasy just thinking about it. Stay in the a/c until the heat breaks! Drink flaxseed oil by the quart! I hope the angel wins.

[Molly]

By the way, you've gotten me hooked on flaxseed oil. My nails have never looked better.

[Jody]

I'm sorry Moxie, but this is hysterical. The best thing I've read all week. I know I should feel your pain, but I'm too busy being charmed beyond reason, and wishing we still lived in CT, just so I could take the train into the city to meet you in person.

[chris]

About the cake thing, you really want one? I saw it today and was kind of ashamed at wanting one, but if New Yorkers are into it, maybe it's not so awful ;-).

[Lisa C.]

OK, the Orb of Nutrition has been making me laugh since yesterday. That is seriously funny!