What Boys Should Know By the Time They Become Men

We've done the girl book, so now let's do What Boys Should Know Before They Become Men.

I'll start:

1. How to sort and wash laundry properly
2. Writing thank-you notes
3. Tying a necktime
4. Talking your way out of a fistfight
5. Winning a fistfight
6. Ending a date politely without promising to call someone you have no intention of calling
7. Roasting a chicken, making risotto, cooking asparagus, and baking brownies
8. First Aid
9. Driving a Manual Transmission Car
10. The Rules of Soccer
11. Telling a Story Effectively

and a bunch repeated from the girl book. Tell me your ideas, too. And while you're at it, let's put together a list of books every boy should have read. Here are some of mine:

The first Harry Potter
at least one Hardy Boys
The Boxcar Children
The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe
Captain Underpants
Charlotte's Web

I'll collect all your suggestions for things boys should know and books boys should have read and post them nicely next week. I'll close comments on this post on Monday.

Comments

[Jennifer]

How to iron shirt and pants so as to look presentable

[Vanessa]

Basic cooking skills

How not to be the weeny and kill the bug so the girl doesn't HAVE to(not that she can't, she just chooses not to)

Basic understanding of most tools

How to change oil, most filters, and tires of car

How to sew on a button, hem pants, mend tears(and know when to throw the worn out clothes away without a fight - seriously, no one wants to see you walking around the house in holy underwear!)

[hedra]

The following apply to girls, too, really.

How to recognize the difference between a hint and general conversation (clues for the clueless?).

How to insist the loved ones in their life communicate without relying on hints... *without* sounding utterly unromantic.

(One or the other, of the above, LOL! Though it actually works best if you just do item 2.)

How to deliver a compliment that will be taken as a compliment.

How to assess risk (both 'severity' and 'likelihood') without attributing all errors to 'bad luck'.

How to ignore peer pressure and still be cool.

How to develop your own sense of style, and have it look like you did it on purpose.

How to climb a rock wall.

How to walk on ice without sliding/falling.

How to talk someone down from a PMS rage without just blaming it on PMS.

How to recognize that someone is genuinely depressed and not 'just moody'.

CPR.

How to tell when your underwear is worn out. (Okay, maybe more for guys, on that one.)

How to win the 'seat up or down' argument (hint, if EVERYONE has to close the seat, at least you're all put out the same amount!).

How to apologize without eviscerating yourself or making unlikely promises.

[Melissa]

How to really clean, which also includes things you may not ordinarily think of too often like cleaning the base boards now and then.

How to clip your gnarly toenails with out getting clippings all over.

How to put the toilet seat down after using it. I have successfully trained my husband to do this and am planning on teaching my sons this too.

Book suggestion:
The Black Stallion series

[Meramoo]

How to make a budget and stick to it.
How to cook basic meals.
How to clean house.

[laura]

Books:
Robinson Crusoe
Swiss Family Robinson

Skills:
How to choose a diamond
How to invest wisely
How to negotiate for a good price on a used car (or anything, for that matter)
How to properly iron a dress shirt and slacks

[mel]

- Reading nutrition labels and ingredient lists

- Doing your own taxes

- How to "fight fair" in any relationship

- Basic nutrition principles: food groups and servings per day, serving sizes, alternate protein sources, etc.

- Basic laundry: sorting, stain removal, what can go in the dryer, ironing, etc.

These are skills I'll teach both my son and daughter, but I'm just thinking of stuff my husband didn't know when we married!

[Mary]

-How to balance a checkbook and stick to a budget
-Cheap and healthy foods (stuff to fall back on if you hit a rough spot...or are in college and don't want to live on noodles and crap)
-Basic mending
-Ironing

[pnuts mama]

books:
anything by roald dahl
the narnia chronicles
dr seuss for the little ones
kurt vonnegut for the big ones
david sedaris for the funny older ones

skills:
respect for all living creatures and things
consideration for others, especially those who don't have what you do
deep awareness of the greater scheme of things (the opposite of a sense of entitlement)
know what you are good at and make it yours- whether it be cars or computers or machines or math
generosity towards others with a healthy dose of kindness, without being a doormat
love of god (or the higher power of your choice) and love of other

practical stuff:
three favorite recipes that grandma makes (my husband's is her sauce, her pie crust and her cookies).
how to research and write a term paper, with references.
art and music appreciation.
that to clean the bathroom includes cleaning the floor.
when someone says no, respect their decision, and don't force yours.
how to do basic household fix-it stuff, plumbing, wiring, etc.
how to grow your own vegetables
basic to intermediate cooking and baking
how to change your sheets and make a bed
laundry, including folding/hanging the clothes and putting them away!
how to sail a boat/ski or snowboard/play one sport that you enjoy

[flea]

I'm still not convinced that boys and girls need to read different books or know different things to become adults, or that anyone needs to be able to change the oil given modern cars (you actually can't in our car; my husband used to change our oil and you can't get at the thingy without a lift on the current model) or gut fish.

BUT I love books, and I think there are tons of things out there for 'boy' readers, even reluctant ones. For example, the entire sci-fi and comic book worlds are traditionally boy-friendly (although I have many women friends who love both). If your 8 year old hates to read "real books" but will read a comic, I say get him reading the comic and the rest will follow. Another good genre (with action and excitement) is the mystery. These I read, so:
Nate The Great
Encyclopedia Brown
The Great Brain
and older kids can work up to thrillers (many need to be vetted for violence and sex, but some, like John Grisham, would be fine for a bright 12 year old) or traditional mysteries (Agatha Christie) depending on interest.

[Vera]

Girls should learn how to check their tire pressure and check the oil on the car.

Every female should read The Witch of Blackbird Pond and Island of the Blue Dolphins.

[nony]

*I* need to know a bunch of this stuff! I have no idea how to tell the difference between a hint and general conversation, nor can I change my own oil...

[Juice]

* How to apologize to someone

* How to properly wear a suit (your shirt cuffs should *not* stick out from your suit sleeves 2 inches!)

* How to help yourself remember your family members' birthdays (use electronic reminders) in time to send a card so your significant other doesn't have to do it for you.

* That saying "I love you" to other males is important (your dad, your grandpa, etc.).

[Jenny]

just wanted to add a book: where the red fern grows

[hedra]

I love that this sounds like a wish-list of things we wish our DH/partner had known before we met them, LOL! Though of course, that's an aspect of how I approach the things I teach my kids - what I wish I'd known (and DH had known) before we got married...

Which brings me to add (for B, who insists that he is going to live alone with his dogs on his ranch and never marry):

How to be alone without feeling lonely.

[Slim]

Some of these seem so idealistic -- I tend towards the bare minumum approach:

How to keep your kitchen, bathroom, and floors clean.

How to change your sheets and towels before they're repulsive.

How to do laundry.

How to sew on a button.

How to change a tire.

How to replace the flapper ball in the toilet and when.

How to arrange for automatic payment of as much as possible.

How to cook one nice dinner, one breakfast other than cereal, and one baked treat.

How to recognized poison ivy.

How to give a pet medicine.

How to apologize.

How to request an apology.

How to stand up for yourself.

How to suck it up.

How to write a proper thank-you note and rsvp.

How to listen, rather than just being silent until it's your turn to talk.

How to negotiate (for both material and emotional needs).

[Julie]

how to apologize without the "but" - for example, "I'm really sorry I raised my voice, but it really pisses me off when....." - so that the apology is an APOLOGY, not another avenue to open up the argument again.

how to fake confidence in dealing with a temper tantrum so your wife or sig. other doesn't feel doubly guilty for leaving you with it to get some alone time.

I second Slim's item on listening - which should inculde responding to what someone has said before introducing your own ideas.

forgiveness forgiveness forgiveness - learning how to let the little things go so life is enjoyable rather than a battle of minutae.

[RHW]

Hmmm... I agree that most things on the list pertain to both men and women, but this is what I think especially young men should learn:

Impulse Control, especially relating to anger and sexual feelings, and the old adage that "A Closed Mouth Holds No Feet"

Fighting, including WHEN to fight, and when NOT to fight (encompassing verbal, written, physical)

Be careful where you deposit both your money and sperm :-) You might end up with a much longer commitment than you intended

Be aware of who is trying to sell you something. Why are Budweiser commercials so... silly? Why are athletes endorsing everything?

Pornography = disrespectful and distainful to all women

Don't ever be threatening to women, children, or people smaller than you. Including don't ever whistle at women you don't know.

[LauraC]

I have my mother-in-law to thank for this thing that all boys should know before becoming a man:

HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN/LIFE PARTNER

Everything else you can learn along the way, or even better, have your life partner teach you.

[Jilly]

I want my son to know the following:

How to listen to his partner's problems without immediately offering solutions.

Understand the importance of sticking up for his partner in front of his family.

Be able to fix a leaky faucet/install a dimmer/turn off the smoke alarm/child proof a home.

Lead a meeting with confidence, not arrogance.

Be chivalrous.

Manage people's expectations.

Ask for a raise/promotion.

[Sara]

I want my sons to learn the Atticus Finch approach - remember in To Kill a Mockingbird (another must read for boys and girls) when Atticus gets spat on by the bigoted neighbor for doing what is unpopular but just? He doesn't fight back like you expect him to, even though he is in his right to do so. He stands there, wipes his glasses and walks away...with so much diginity and strength. My boys will learn to vacuum and cook, but I really hope they maintain the ability to be themselves, to stand by what they believe in and to give others in their life the same respect.

[Jeff]

Skills:

- That it's inappropriate to pass any sort of noisy or smelly bodily vapors in the presence of others, especially a woman.

- To speak comfortably and intelligently in front of a group of others.

- Knowing what color combinations are fashionably accepted to be worn together.

- To avoid the temptation of trying to put something together without first reading the instructions.

Books:
- "The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People" By Stephen Covey
- "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" by Robert Kiyosaki
- "Total Money Makeover" By Dave Ramsey
- "Every Man's Battle" By Stephen Arterburn

[Elaine]

There are some great suggestions. I agree completely with LauraC on how to treat a woman, but I'm not really sure what that entails. I guess that would include:
--Never hit or demean a woman
--Being Flexible
--Really Listening to the woman's point of view and not just blowing her off as emotional or pre-menstrual
--Knowing when to give a hug (hint: we can always use a hug)
--Knowing when to be quiet
--Knowing when to leave her alone
--Knowing "car" stuff: even if they don't know how to change the car battery, at least that it is most likely the battery and not the starter or how to test it.

I also want to include
--How to play a musical instrument or draw/paint. I think most women swoon over artists and musicians.

This, combined with the above would make for a true renaissance man.

Book suggestion: Children's Book of Virtues

[Skipper]

Books: Ralph Moody's autobiographical series beginning with Little Britches: Father and I were Ranchers.

[Faustina]

Both boys and girls should know:

How to change a baby girls' diaper.

How to feed a ten month old.

How give a baby liquid medication.

[Karina]

Skills:

How to be a friend, to boys, girls, relatives, adults
Having routines (personal hygiene, housekeeping, finances, social, exercise/sports)
Putting stuff away and having method and order
How to appreciate and enjoy time alone
Pursuing a hobby/having a passion for something
Respect for animals and nature
Medical knowledge: what to eat and what not to eat when having stomach trouble (like diarrhea and the BRAT diet, or prunes when constipated), how to deal with a headache, nausea and vomiting, basic first aid.
Resillience
Independence
Self-control
Putting himself in someone else's shoes

Books I loved and still reccomend:

For the tweens and teens:
Almost anything by Enid Blyton
All the Gerald Durrel books
"All Things Great and Small" and al the rest by James Herriot
For the older ones:
Murder on the Orient Express, Ten Little Indians and most by Agatha Christie
The Never Ending Story by Michael Ende (the book, not the movie!)
Gods, Tombs and Wise People by C.W. Ceram
The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien
Watership Down by Richard Adams

[Nicole]

I have actually started a mental list for our nine month old son. It includes:

Cook a fantastic meal (including the shopping and cleaning up).

How to properly use a condom.

How to care for a baby: basics like diaper-changing, feeding, burping, etc.

To sew a button.

How to launder his clothes.

Know when to walk away and when to put up a fight.

How to identify animal tracks, find your own bait/bait a hook, and basic outdoor survival.

An art/craft

How to reach people at their level with respect: whether the CEO or the homeless teen on the street.

To write a love letter and other sincere correspondence.

To speak at least one foreign language.

How to lose and win with class.

And to take risks, with as much awareness as possible of potential consequences. And sometimes to be brave enough just to take the risk.

[Stu Mark]

Congrats! This post has been nominated as Hot Stuff Of The Week by our readers over at GNMParents. Good luck in the voting!

[Kahne]

My 10-year-old loves to read and recommends the following books for every boy:

**any books in the Nicholas series by René Goscinny

**the Percy Jackson series (3 books) by Rick Riordan

**Inkheart and Inkspell by Cornelia Funke (as a side note, Inkheart has been made into a movie which will be out next spring - they should get the reading in before then!!)

I think those are his favorites currently. He's always reading 2 or 3 books at a time. The Nicholas books are series of short anecdotal stories, where the other 2 series are all significant tomes (500+ pages). He has not been slowed by the length of those books!

[bob]

Know how to play chess
Know how to tie the right knot for the job
Know how to climb a tree
Know how to start a campfire
Know how to catch, clean and cook a fish and/or rabbit
Know how to write a poem
Know basics of auto maintenance - fluid changes, jacking up a car, fixing a flat

[Alli]

Give and recieve love!

[Jill]

Why would someone need to know how to take care of a baby? I'm 28 and have never needed that. And since I'm not having kids, I'll never need to.

[Ryan]

Important for all children: How to *properly* shake hands, introduce yourself and start a conversation.

[Pete]

What boys should know before they become men?

How about NOT paying attention to stupid lists - leave all this unwanted advice (and from some rather controlling women) and do it like most men do - make it up as you go along!

[Janet]

How not to be Ryan ;)

[Shawn]

I love the book: The Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn Iggulden and Hal Iggulden. It is politically incorrect and full of testosterone. It's just what every boy needs in this world that implies that boys should be more like girls, and it's for the unfortunate boys that don't have a dad around.

[A Dad Out There]

Robert Heinlein famously once wrote a list that every human being should know how to do -- I think it's a pretty good start/supplement:

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an
invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a
sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the
dying, take orders, giver orders, cooperate, act alone, solve
equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a
computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.
Specialization is for insects."

[Staci]

How to actually put his clothes in the laundry hamper (not on the floor!) and his dishes in the dishwasher!

[Deborah Blicher]

I would add, for both boys and girls:

-how to swim well
-how to move around in a boat
-how to right a capsized boat
-proofreading--or how to find help with it
-basic principles of time management
-basic principles of living- and work-space management
-respect for differences among people and cultures

[Greg]

Alright...I must throw my 2 cents into this pot.
I've noticed that many of the above listed things are items that women demand and persist that they want. When it gets down to it though, really dont.

What should every boy know before coming a man?
How to:
-work on a car or at least look like you do.
-grill or bbq. I did not say cook, I said work a grill or bbq.
- tie a proper Windsor knot in a tie.
-ride a horse.
-know which end of the rifle/pistol to aim at something and hit it.
-talk your drunk friend out of fistfighting someone.
-win the fistfight for your drunk friend.
-drink scotch. Not bourbon, SCOTCH
-polish boots.
-appear to be listening when your significant other is on a tirade.
-purchase an adult magazine or condoms and be able to look the cashier in the eye without embarrassment.
-take responsibility when the plan doesn't work
-be modest when it does.
-stick to your guns; and leave the toilet seat up. It is as easy for you to raise it as it is for me to put it down. If you don't look beforehand that is your problem.
-shave with a cutthroat razor.
-swim
-work a day's labor, without complaint and without being asked.
-play poker
-look a woman in the face and tell her you love her without irony or sarcasm.
-know what he is feeling, and
-keep them to himself (period)
-look a man (or anyone) in the eye and tell them they are wrong, and have them respect you for it.
-start a fire without matches.
-cry like a man.

These are things a man needs to know to survive and to survive amongst men. There are a good number of things above which are not for men: Men do not apologize. Men do not share their
feelings. If we did, we'd be women. Forgiveness, men do not forgive. We forget. So if you keep your mouth shut, you're forgiven.
There needs to be a list: What every women needs to know about a man but doesn't.

[Wondering]

1. How to sort and wash laundry properly (This is a good one)
2. Writing thank-you notes (Huh? Maybe basic etiquette)
3. Tying a necktime (Ok I suppose, also along with this how to dress propeerly..tucking shirts in, etc)
4/5. Talking your way out of a fistfight and Winning a fistfight and knowing when to do which.
6. Ending a date politely without promising to call someone you have no intention of calling
7. Roasting a chicken, making risotto, cooking asparagus, and baking brownies (Um..no..basic cooking is required, including some nice dishes (not always hot dogs) but risotto and asparagus? Men don't NEED to know that..)
8. First Aid (Very good one)
9. Driving a Manual Transmission Car (Excellent again..no automatics)
10. The Rules of Soccer (Soccer? No...they should be familiar with many sports and know the rules applicable to popular one(s) in their area)
11. Telling a Story Effectively (Umm..not sure why but I won't argue it)

12. Knowing how to respect others (including women) and the world around them.
13. Basic financial knowledge (taxes, bufgests, etc)

[Khali]

~ how to sew a button on and how to iron a shirt

~ how to shop with a woman, be it sister, girlfriend etc

~ how to make and stick to a budget!

books:

His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman
20000 Leagues Under the Sea - Jules Verne
The Time Machine - H. G. Wells

[Yoko]

Hmm... All I see is those pressuring on boys, scaring them away from being a man. Truly man should be the one who want to be a independent and know how to care of his things, plus understanding other's feelings.

How to clean, how to buy clothes, how to cook, how to etc etc etc etc etc seems too pressure to me.. And what's more, it makes boys feel like people think boys are idiotic... Poor those boys today.. Glad I am gay.. *rolling my eyes* Being straight SUCKS.

[Tim]

What is your suggestion for doing (6)?

[whitney]

will you go out with me