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Comments

Jody

One of my aunts is the director of a high-ranked childcare center; another was the past president of the state association of in-home childcare providers. And a best friend worked for many years as a childcare provider at the church-based center her mother directed. So I had a lot of conversations with all of them in my infertile, talking-about-raising-children-in-lieu-of-having-them twenties.

Then it turned out that, contrary to my expectations, I didn't end up using childcare -- having triplets and being ABD at the same time, and all that. But I've still got lots of theory (insert eye-roll).

I happen to think that caregivers in center situations should ideally become attached to children to a similar degree to at-home caregivers. I'm always a little disappointed for the kids whose parents put them in centers "so they won't become attached." Because being attached to a good caregiver during the day is good for the kid. (As a side-note, I've been meaning to write for a couple of weeks about the myth of the kid who asks for the nanny and not the mom and dad during an emergency: they trotted this myth out on Grey's Anatomy this season, and it was painful to watch. I admit I have no contact with 18-hour-a-day Wall Street workers, but no working mother of my acquaintance has ever, ever reported such a thing.)

That having been said, this caregiver is WAY out of line. The term "birth mother" implies that she's using some OTHER "mother" term for herself with the child, doesn't it. And that's Not Appropriate. She's the hopefully well-loved caregiver, NOT the mother.

The director needs to review the center's policies with this caregiver. She absolutely must stop using "Mother" language to describe herself, right now.

(By the way, this implication that a parent using a child-care center somehow becomes a "birth mother" -- a mother without custody of her child -- is extremely disturbing. I'm not sure any childcare worker who feels that way about working parents should continue in that line of work.)

Jen

That's just odd. If you hadn't had the 'birth mom' comment then I'd be pretty laid back about this and glad that your son had such a committed care giver. But that comment shows that this person is way out of line.

I was a nanny for 4 years, for 4 kids. I was very close to them, and think of them as 'my kids'. 14 years later I am still in touch with them and very close, they visit me now alone, as the (fantastic) adults they have become. But at no point would I refer to their mom as their 'birth' mom. That's just creepy. I'd suggest you speak to the director of the daycare, just to make your concerns known and on the record.

Jennifer

Yes, I would have a problem with the "Birth Mother" comment as well. My daughter is the youngest in her daycare class so she is always referred to as "my baby" by some of the teachers. I don't mind this at all. I am happy that she seems to be loved and cared for when I am not there. But for a teacher to imply that she is somehow the mother is completely out of line.

Cheryl

I was a nanny for two years to a darling little girl from the time she was eight weeks old. We developed a huge bond, but it was more of a loving aunt relationship or a best friend. She always preferred her mommy or daddy, and was always glad to see them at the end of the day. I helped that relationship along, though, by talking to her a lot about her parents throughout the day, and then talking excitedly about how nice it'll be to see her parents and what they'll do in the evening before bedtime (bath, dinner, etc.)

Now I'm a mommy too, and my son is in daycare. Never once has he cried when I left him there, but that's due to how my husband and I talk about daycare. We tell him it's an adventure every day, and we talk about his caregivers a lot at home. He has some favorite ladies there, and he runs up to them to hug them every morning. While they shower him with affection, they don't bond too closely to the point where I can't compete for his attention. And at the end of the day, he will still drop what he's doing and run up to me when I get there.

I think if one of the ladies were to ever use a term like "birth mommy", I'd immediately start looking for a new center. Developing an attachment is great, but daytime caregivers are not replacement mommies or foster moms. They are there to sitmulate, nurture and comfort my son during the day, but that's where their role ends.

Jennie

My son is in daycare and, much like Jody, I believe it is healthy for him and his caregivers to be attached--I didn't choose this childcare option because I wanted distance between him and his teachers. However, the 'birth mother' comment does seem to be crossing the line. While I am not disagreeing that you should talk to the school director, I wanted to suggest that maybe you should talk to the teacher first. If you entrust this teacher with your child and have, up to this point, been happy with the care, then it might just be respectful to explain to this teacher how you feel about your visiting time with your son and that you felt uneasy with the 'birth mother' comment and all it connoted to you. Give this teacher a chance to respond before you go over her head. And if you're not satisfied with her response or reaction or your instinct tells you something is off then talk with the director.

Liza

If you don't want to name names with the center director, another approach might be to send an email, noting that you heard "someone" make the "birth mommy" comment and that you were uncomfortable.

You could assure the director that you are glad your child is so well loved, but that you think the language might be confusing for a child his age.

We did something similar when a teacher at our day care went too far, in our opinion, joking about our infant son and his infant "girlfriend." (The phrase "under the bleachers" was used and that's when we realized that we really could not ignore the inappropriate sexualization of our child's friendship.)

We asked that they remind all of the staff about the importance of modeling friendships between males and females, and that friendships between pre-school children should not be romanticized.

Katherine

Almost as disturbing as the "birth mommy" comment is the fact that she tries to monopolize his time while you're there. I think you definitely need to have a conversation with whoever runs your day care center. And I know a lot of us tend toward being polite, not jumping to conclusions and avoiding confrontation (believe me, I'm the queen of those people), but I think you need to be assertive with this person. When you visit, let her know this is one-on-one time with your son. If you EVER hear the "birth mommy" comment again, let loose with a glare and a very firm "I'm not a birth mommy, I'm his MOTHER". Although, at this point if you talk with the people in charge of the center and they aren't appropriately concerned about this, I would consider finding a new center.

You're right that it's important that your son have bond with whoever cares for him, but this is over the top.

Slim

Wow, I'd never heard of someone choosing daycare in an effort to create less of an attachment. Bizarre. It's certainly never been my experience. I've used two centers, and my kids have definitely bonded with their caregivers (primary and otherwise), some of whom we're still in touch with.

At one center, the primaries used to refer to their kids jokingly as their son/daughter, and while I could see in theory how that would be odd, in practice it was just funny, especially because they took a SmugMommy parental pride in "their" kids.

But "birth mother"? That is waaaay off. In general, I think it's better to work your way up the food chain: If you're having a problem with a teacher, talk to the teacher (using plenty of I statements, blah blah blah), then if necessary talk to the director, then if necessary talk to the board. And I would still do that in this situation, but I think I might not push as hard for a resolution with the teacher and would be quicker to go to the director if the teacher doesn't immediately grasp how inappropriate she's being.

kt

I'm not going to dance around it. The "birth Mother" comment would as is about to become clear freak me out. I would talk to the director about it, and frankly I'd start looking into my options to change the care arrangement. I really like and respect the women who take care of my son. I value their opinion. I want there to be a bond. But, I want it to be appropriate and the "birth mother" comment was highly inappropriate and raises alarm bells.

I'm probably affected by having just finished reading Gavin De Becker's "The Gift of Fear." I've heard it recommended many times, and it was a confirmation of other things I've heard and experienced in my life. If you feel something is off and have such direct evidence, something is off and it needs to be addressed. This woman sounds like she has some kind of issue and she needs to fix it through some avenue that does not involve fixating on your son.

You *know* something is wrong, or you wouldn't be writing to an advice columnist. You say we, so you're not the only one who has noticed the strong connection. A strong connection can be great, but now you've got an alarm bell and I would recommend not ignoring it. I know a lot of people don't want confrontations, and want to work things out with the people involved. I'm generally one of those people. With respect to the other posts, because we all have to deal with our situations in our own ways, I really think this is a time to name names and put it all on the table with everyone involved. If you don't feel you should go "over her head" an alternative could be to schedule a time to have everyone in the room at once.

kt

P.S. - I really don't think choosing a daycenter is necessarily about choosing distance. We started with an in-home babysitter. She was a great with our son, but her personal issues around housing, became our problems and so it was 1) a relief to be in a center with continuity, and 2) when you have to find a new care arrangements in 2 days you go with what you can get (that seems safe, and clean, and in my case involved lots of guilt, concern, and anxiety - lucky us it worked out well).

caro

I can actually kinda see how someone could make a "birth mommy" comment like that pretty innocently and not understand how it would feel for the baby's mom to hear it. Depending on the tone, maybe she was just trying to make light of her closeness with the child. Granted, it's a joke that takes things too far, I think, but I tend to see it as more awkward than out of line/ malicious.

But the other stuff -- the monopolizing of your visiting time and, above all, the fact that you feel uncomfortable with what's going on -- seem to totally merit some sort of action. A talk with the provider, at least. My daughter and our (2 days/week) babysitter are very, very close, but I've never for a second felt edged out or competitive with the sitter. If you're feeling that way, something's not right.

CJ

I was already a nanny for two baby boys when I had a miscarriage, and after I recovered and came back to nannying, I was *really* affectionate with those babies. I talked about them constantly, and I surprised myself by becoming really "kissy" - I kissed them all the time. I also worried constantly that people thought I was too attached to them, and saw this with respect to my miscarriage. It was normal, to a degree, to lavish affection on the babies after losing my own, and I was grateful that their parents didn't find it odd.

I can't believe she called you a birth mommy, though. Even if she is going through something draws her to your son in a way we can understand, that just speaks of delusion to me. I hope that the day care supervisor is responsive to you, and I hope you post later and let us know what turned out to be her deal!

Amy

ICK ICK!! Yes, the children should be cared for and about. Loved even. BUT it is still a JOB, and has to be treated as such. You must still be professional. I agree with the "teacher" status moreso than just caregiver. You can be very caring, and loving, without being mushy and all-consuming. She's stepping over so many boundries there, I don't know she is even aware how icky she's being. She must learn what her "role" is, or removed from the position. Or child pulled from that daycare.

Lisa

It's such a sticky situation. I wouldn't want to pull my child from a good center because of one provider. Nor would I want to be known as the mom who doesn't want providers to become close to the child.

But it IS creepy, and you DO have to say something. Does the center have a policy about talking to the director about all problems? My instincts would be to talk directly to the provider, but the director should know, too. Especially since this might not be the first time.

Good luck!

Kathy B.

Definitely the 'birth mommy' comment is creeping me out big-time!

Talk to the provider and the director -- this is inappropriate to say the least. How old is this person? If she is relatively young, she may not realize the connotation of her comment.

Catherine

Uh...that's just wrong. I once babysat regularly for a little boy who had recently lost his much older sister (there was a 15 year gap between them) to cystic fibrosis. He and I bonded very well, and one evening he started calling me "sissy" (his name for his sister).

I stopped our game and said, "You know that i'm not your sister, right?" He said, sadly, "I know but I wish you were." I told him we could be good friends, but he only had one sister, and I was his babysitter.

It's one thing to bond with a child you're caring for. It's another to style yourself as a relative. Icky and yes the director should be approached regarding this caregiver.

Joline

I think it is definitely creepy, and the caregiver has crossed some boundaries. However in all likelihood just drawing her attention to it should be sufficient. I was a daycare provider/preschool teacher for a long time and I would often describe my job as beign an "artificial daytime mommy" of course I NEVER said such things in front of the children or the parents, but I do think it is admirable for a caregiver to form an strong bond with the children she cares for. I think that small children benefit from being cared for by adults who dont just act in a kind manner but who truly care for them on a personal level.
The part where she is monopolizing your visits also seems wierd, but also, I woudl just mention it to her first. It seems likely to me that she is trying to share with you some of the experiences she has with your child during the day.
Is there any way you can take him out of the room for a short while during your visits? OR even just say "we're ok here. Please give us a few minutes, I'm sure the other kids need you."
If she doesnt "get it" and it is more than just being a little oblivious, then I would bring it up with the director. My primary goal would be to stay with THIS particular caregiver, but just that she watch her boundaries much better, because it could be traumatizing to your son to go from a loving, familiar caregiver to a stranger.

tbk

The birth mother thing is creepy, but I can see a different interpretation of her spending lots of time with your kid when you're there. Perhaps she's not trying to compete, but rather trying to show you how much attention your son gets while in her care. She could also be trying to form a bond with you since she feels so close to your son.

sara

I'm not exactly sure why, but with any issues with our daughter and her care, we've always gone straight to the director of the center. I think it's his/her job to discipline or set the standards for the center. I'd be wary of only talking to the teacher because she's already acting inappropriately and I wouldn't trust her.

Definitely talk to the director about your concerns before switching centers.

Tina

Yipes! My back instantly went up when I read the 'birth mommy' part Annie... that totally crosses a line imo. I mean what is she telling your son to call her? Daycare mommy? Other mommy? Double yipes!

Like others have already said, she may be totally innocent in saying this but she does need to know she crossed a line. And if she doesn't 'get' how that is wrong then there are certainly bigger issues at hand... and the daycare managers need to know either way.

Amy

We call my daughter "Bebe" but her older brother always says, "Baby". It's a family thing... we don't introduce her as Bebe or Baby but as her name. So it struck me as funny when her teacher at Montessori school starting calling her Baby. My older son was in this teacher's class before my daughter moved up into her classroom, so maybe she got it from him. But she was also very affectionate with my daughter in a way she was not with the other kids in the class. The teacher had her own boys at the school, so I didn't think it was a possessive thing... I think she just thought my daughter was particularly cute and girlie and, as she had boys of her own, enjoyed the girlie-ness of my daughter. But the fact that she called her "Baby"--our family name for her--always bugged me. I never said anything and as both my kids adored this teacher I just left it. But my kids were old enough to know who was mommy and who was not... and this teacher never made any reference to her being the mommy (like others have said... soooooo creepy). But I do think it's common for teachers to have a favorite or two or for that to be obvious to the parents... and perhaps be a little disconcerting.

Kathy B.

One further comment -- although as a general rule, I favor talking first to the care-giver, then the director if things do not get worked out, in this case I see enough of a red-flag to go directly to the top.

My concern would be that if there is something truly creepy going on, the caregiver would just be careful not to say anything in front of you, but would continue to be inappropriate with the child, especially since he is not old enough that you can ask him what goes on!

liz

Frankly, I'd look around for different care providers and get the heck out. It's just too, too creepy to me.

And I wouldn't bring it up with the teacher first, if you're going to bring it up to anyone, bring it up with the director first.

Kay

Are you comfortable enough to talk to the teacher? If so, I would call the director, and let her know the issue. Tell her you will address it with the teacher, but wanted her to be aware. That way, your bases are covered and you have gotten your story out there first. If you go directly to the teacher, then she could twist things to make you look like the lunatic.

My kids are doted over at their daycare. I love it. I am so happy they are happy and that they are loved. Most of the teachers call my daughter "my baby". It creeped my husband out once when a particular teacher had done it, but she had just had a miscarriage, so I never said anything. I wasn't *that* bothered by it, and even less so when I found out that my girl is EVERYONE's favourite. ;) I think it helps that my kids are loving kids anyway. They hardly ever meet a stranger. Which is frightening in its own way. Ack!

Jamie

Yup, that's pretty creepy. I agree that this should probably go straight on to the director for two reasons; (1) can you imagine anything the care provider could say to you that would be an adequate explanation? anything? I can't. (2) this woman is already doing something which is creeping you out and your son isn't old enough to tell you what has been going on so, even if this woman completely got her act together and her inappropriate behavior was physically/psychologically incapable of happening again, would you ever really be comfortable about her?

At least, if you talk to the director, you will have extra eyes on the problem. Who knows? Perhaps the director has even heard other things about this woman that you don't know about and her behavior with your son could be evidence of an ongoing emotional difficulty. This woman may need some kind of help.

Bethiclaus

I agree. That would freak me right out.

I'm sure that the provider is simply trying to demonstrate her devotion to the boy, but still. She can't possibly think it's okay to refer to her as the "birth mother." Please.

kathleen999

That is completely weird. And offensive.

Our nanny is very attached to our boys and it does give me pause sometimes, not because she is inappropriate, but because Nicky will often go to her before me. But he loves her so much and always has...but doesn't ask for her when she isn't here and I do think he knows I am his mommy and she is not.

But that said, there is a tiny element of relief in the idea of sending them off to preschool this summer. I am actually toying with the idea of figuring out how to send them three hours per day and not have a nanny the rest of the day...if we can juggle our schedules. Part of the reason is financial, but there is a part of me that says, "I will have my boys to myself again." Which is kind of ridiculous, but actually probably okay.

Our nanny told me a story about the twins across the street who are moving out to Long Island and their nanny can't go with them as it's too far to commute. The little girl is apparently very upset and won't eat or sleep. The nanny is crying all the time. There seems like something really wrong with this...is it just me? Our boys never ask for the nanny or get upset if she is off. Hmmm?? Wonder if our nanny is trying to plant the idea in my head that our boys would miss her too much if she doesn't come any more. Weird all the things that run through your head when you aren't the primary caregiver.

Lisa V

I think I may have seen "Hand that Rocks the Cradle" one too many times. I would talk to the director or might just move him entirely.

Foster

I think it is too much. Birth mommy implies that she is, what? Daycare mommy? Day mommy? Dont like it. Plus, imo, she should be encouraging your son to spend time with you when you visit, not showing off.

Kathleen, part of it is just you. In fact, last year, there was an article in the Times about children having trouble when their provider changed. A reaction such as the little girls is not unusual. She is going through a time of grief, b/c for her, Nanny is not hired help, she is her special caregiver. As for the nanny crying all the time.. I think that is a bit over the top. What, did she think the kids would always need her? Sad, yes, but time to reflect happily and find a new family (that part is not you!). A little boy I had from 5 - 19 months, 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, he and I became v close. Out of all my ("my") kids, he and I just clicked, and I also had a LOT of time available, just he and I, when he was a baby. I got transfered when he was 19 months, but his other teachers remained the same. They said he turned into a total terror after I left, hitting and tackling and scratching other kids. He also doesnt come to me anymore and gives me the hairy eyeball when I visit. Coincidence..? Kids do weird things when they get attached and we cant control that. But the adults are supposed to be the professionals. Every time I "lose" a kid, I miss them, sometimes painfully so, but it is a JOB, and part of my job is to move on.

marion

Good lord, this sounds like the first part of a bad Lifetime movie. That woman's not right. There are plenty of caring yet sane caregivers out there - the letter-writer should speak to the center director posthaste. "Birth mommy" is not a term that just innocently slips out in a situation like that.

Liss

That would freak me right out. When someone is called a birth mother, we generally assume that she has given up her child and someone else is now the "real" mother. I guess it's possible that this woman really is so clueless she didn't mean it in a weird way, but to be brutally frank I think she would probably have to be very very stupid for that to really be the case. That on top of the monopolization would give me a very uneasy feeling. If it were me and I had the option, either she would go or I would.

Lawyer Mom

I hate to be the lawyer of the bunch, but you might want to consider putting your concerns in writing and personally handing the director the letter and follow up with a discussion. I would certainly want the situation addressed and my child removed from her care (because of fears of repercussions), but if you put it in writing, the center has to deal with whatever issues this caregiver has. You also want problems like these documented -- they document when your kid skins his knee, so you should document her issues as well. And trust me, it's her issue, not yours that is the problem in this situation. I would have a major problem with the "birth mommy" comment.

E

I am currently pregnant with my first child ... so, I don't have experience with this as a parent yet. But, I do have some experience from childhood ...

My mother and father both traveled a lot for their jobs. During the course of my childhood we had three different nannies. They were with us daily on weekdays, and spent the night several days a week as well.

I am happy to say that I grew to feel that all three of them were extended family. But they were NOT substitute mothers for me. Our first nanny was older, and she felt like a grandmother to me. When she left our family (due to her age and health concerns) we remained in touch and kept our bond through the years. Now, as an adult, I tend to think of her like a third grandmoter.

Our other two nannies were both younger, and I always thought of them like aunts. When our second nanny left to start a family of her own, we stayed in touch. As her kids grew older, our families vacationed together on several occasions ... and she and her husband eve came to my wedding.

Given how much my parents were away, I think that I NEEDED to feel as though my nannies were family members to me. I needed that attachment and security. But, I did not need another mother ... and all three were wonderfully RESPECTFUL of my Mom and her relationship with my brother and I.

And, I think I would have been confused and anxious if any of them referred to themselves as my mother. It is wrong for any caregiver to show such disrespect for the mother/child relationship as yours clearly has.

Patricia Dischler

I've been a family child care provider for over 17 years, and this story scares me. The attachment this teacher has is not professional, so is her treatment of you during your visits. I speak around the country about relationships with parents when you are a child care provider and talk about it in my book, "From Babysitter To Business Owner." The goal for any provider should be to SUPPORT the relationship between child and parent, this teachers attempts to override it are completely inappropriate. As for the "birth-mom statement, you should be walking straight into the director's office with this one. One of the first signs of a possible sexual abuse case is an unnatural attachment between and adult and child - and this is most definetly unnatural. Professional providers most certainly love the children they care for and show them affection, but they are also well aware of lines not to be crossed and are always respectful of a parents role. Good luck in finding a new child care arrangement, you need one fast.

Sandra

I had part-time nanny help with my daughter who is now 16 months old. Emphasis is on "had" as she ended up acting in ways that were creepy.

She started out fine and was good with my daughter. Then over time she talked more and more about how my daughter was the only bright thing in her life and that she looked so forward to seeing her. At the time she was going through a rough patch in her own life.

She was my age and admitted also to being very envious of me - that the only way she could "compete" with me was in caring for my daughter. So she ended up doing things like trying to get my daughter's attention away from me when we were playing together.

At this point we gave her her notice. During the last few days she was on the verge of tears - it was so over the top.

It was like she needed my daughter to be everything to her, to make up for her crappy life. Bizarre!

She recently emailed (4 months later) about getting together to visit and I put her off in that vague "sure, I'll call sometime" way.

When she started acting creepy my gut was yelling FrEaK. We have someone new now a couple of days a week and she is amazing.

Foster

I used this letter to start a conversation at work about professional boundaries, and the two co-workers w/ whom I talked could not believe that this woman refered to you as "birth mommy". Immediately, both of them picked up on that as a red flag. Now we only need a follow up as to what action you take and what your daycare center & teacher says/does. Please dont leave us hanging on this one!

Andrea

I view the term "birth mother" from another perspective, since I am the birth mother to an amazing 10 year old girl who is adopted. She knows who her mother is (as does her older sister who is also adopted, unrelated) and that I am her birth mom. I correct people who say I am a/her mother -- I'm not. I gave birth to her but that does not make me her mother. Her mother is the woman who is raising her - a wonderful woman who helps her daughter maintain a relationship with me, her birth mother.

For a care provider to refer to his mother as his birth mother, it is totally inappropriate and should be dealt with accordingly.

Shelley

I agree with the commenters who say that this should be put in writing and given to the daycare center director. It wouldn't surprise me if they knew there's something off about this woman, and this could give them ammo to fire her -- and if they're unaware of this, they need to know ASAP. I'd also get out of there as fast as I could.

Julia

I know that when I'm taking care of someone else's children (as a teacher, nanny, or babysitter) I cringe when a child calls me "mommy" (or as often happens, "daddy"- ie caregiver who isn't mommy). Obviously children simply mis-speak sometimes, and will usually correct themselves or laugh about it, but if the child persists I'll remind them that I'm Julia, and that sometimes Mommy takes care of you, sometimes Daddy, and sometimes Julia.
In my education classes we learn about keeping professional distance from "our" children, while still being caring and loving. And to all those who say they're happy to have their child be the favorite, I'd be concerned about your child's caregivers. They should certainly not outright say they favor a child, and it shouldn't be obvious in their behavior. Yes, there will usually be one child that they do really like, and some children they're just not that fond of, but no outsider should be able to tell this.

Heather

I worked at a very good center for 5 years when I was younger. I worked with infants ages about 7 months to 15 months. I definitely had lots of favorites and the parents had favorite teachers (so did the babies). It is an odd comment to make but it doesn't completely freak me out the way it has with some of you. My first thought was that the girl felt uncomfortable because the kid hugged her and not the mommy. I just thought that maybe she was trying to figure out something to say about the awkward situation. When you work with kids like this 40 hours a week you do get very attached! If you don't, you're probably in the wrong field. I was very close to kids AND parents. When I got married my parents gave me weeding gifts. When I had my son a parent gave me a bassinet! It was as if I was a member of the family with some kids. I think you should have a talk with her. All parents need/want different things out of their provider and it's impossible for her to know without input from you. Obviously, I don't know these people but nothing so far screams out RUN AWAY to me. Trust your gut! You're the one in the situation and you know when things are right or wrong. I miss the days when my child had teachers like that that loved him and cared about him that much. Now he goes to after school care at his school (just finished second grade today) and it's basically just babysitting. There's a few adults and about 60 kids running around and playing. I miss the days of rocking and singing and dancing.

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I'm not exactly sure why, but with any issues with our daughter and her care, we've always gone straight to the director of the center. I think it's his/her job to discipline or set the standards for the center. I'd be wary of only talking to the teacher because she's already acting inappropriately and I wouldn't trust her.

Definitely talk to the director about your concerns before switching centers.

Sara

- awesome job, as usual, kevin! what a great lniokog family my favorites are:1- the first one (looks like it's taken on some remote island somewhere)2- doug, linda, and rob by the big tree3- linda and alissa back to backalissa is so totally becky!!!

Soitan

Oh my gosh honey!!! My heart is breaking for you!! I have been gone all wekened and started catching up on my blogs. First of all, i LOVE the new blog design!!! Laura Jane is the best, isn't she?!?! Anyway - to your more recent post, I'm starting to think that there isn't such a thing as a "perfect" daycare. But NO daycare should punish a child for having separation anxiety. No daycare should punish a child for crying either!! Crying is a child's way of expressing emotion and we want children to cry!!! Teaching them to bottle up their feelings is horrible. I am soooo sorry you have to go through this. This is just another reason why I hate daycares. I leave Babygirl at daycare everyday hoping she has a good day. While I have some issues with my current daycare, I believe she is in good hands. The hardest thing is that we, as parents, never really know what goes on at daycare when we are not there. I hope you find what you need and what's best for Rylie and Bryce. This is by far the worst part about being a working mother. I would love to stay at home all day with Babygirl. But it's a catch-22. I want MY time and I want Babygirl to socialize. Anyway - again, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I'm sorry Rylie has to go through this. Bless her heart! Bless your heart! Keep me posted with the whole daycare sitation and I pray that everything works out for you and your family!! (That whole comment was nothing but my ramblings. I hope you understand what I was trying to say!)

Kristen

/ So precious! Children are such a gift to us as ptrenas, but we sometimes forget what a huge gift they are to each other as siblings. Beautiful photos, and WOW, they sure do look alike in that last photo. Love you and your sweet family Suzanne praying for you all, ALL the time! Hugs!

Marialndy

I've been the dyarace mom. I ran a home dyarace for 11 years. While reading this post, I could remember the kids pressing their noses up against the living room windows to see whose parents' car was in the driveway. I remembered the little boy with such severe separation anxiety that he stood at the window crying EVERY SINGLE day when his dad dropped him off. As much as I wanted to be the perfect replacement for their parents, it's something I could never be. BUT the reality is, what you witnessed was a fleeting moment in the day of those kids. Kids are resilient. A game, a craft project, some toys, a story, a hug . all of those things can make it all better in the next moment; even make them completely forget that they might be missing mom or dad.There's no right or wrong way to do it. Millions of kids have survived dyarace, and millions of others were able to spend their days in their own homes with their own parents. There are pros and cons to each. You can only do the best you can do and it sounds like you are doing just that.Terris last blog post..

Dario

Mike: I know he has a great time playing with the other kids. I'm esieapclly happy that there are two kids a year older than him here (he was the oldest at his prior daycare). He should learn a lot from them.Katie: You're right. There are many positives about going to daycare. Thanks for the reminder. I'm still looking forward to his Mommy staying home with him full-time (and so is Mommy!). She'll have to arrange some playdates with our neighbors' kids, plus he'll be starting pre-school in about a year or so I can't believe how fast he's growing up.

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  • My expertise is in helping people be who they want to be, with a specialty in how being a parent fits into everything else. I like people. I like parents. I think you're doing a fantastic job. The nitty-gritty of what you do with your kids is up to you, although I'm happy to post questions here to get data points of how you could try approaching different stages, because, let's face it, this shit is hard. As for me, I have two kids who sleep through the night and can tie their own shoes. I've been a married SAHM, a married freelance WAHM, a divorcing WOHM, a divorced WOHM, and now a WAHM again. I'm not buying the Mommy Wars and I'll come sit next to you no matter how you're feeding your kid. When in doubt, follow the money trail. And don't believe the hype.
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