Q&A: going overseas with a 6-month-old

Zaimah writes:

"My husband and I are planning a trip to Pakistan for next month. Most of our family is there and are anxiously waiting for us to come and see them. By the time we travel our son, R, will be 6 months old and we are dreading this trip. We are dreading it for many reasons including the typical comments such as "You're spoiling him" "What?! You haven't started solids yet?" "Why isn't he sleepong through the night?" etc. But what we are dreading most is the jet lag. We will be there for 3 weeks and it takes us 2 nights to get over jet lag. What we wonder is how will it affect R? He is an average sleeper I would say. He sleeps for about 11-12 hours at night but every 2-3 hours he wakes up to nurse. By the time we get there he will most likely be experiencing the 26 week regression anyway or just coming off it (he was 2 weeks early) and so I know sleep will be crappy. But what will happen when all of a sudden day turns to night and vice versa? Should we just accept that it will be a miserable 3 weeks for us and then a few more miserable weeks when we get back? Or is there some way that we can help him adjust to the time difference?

We have a bedtime routine for him which we will continue over there plus we will make sure he gets in his naps but will he be sleeping through the day and keeping us up at night? I want to know what are realistic expectations in this situation so that I can prepare myself and come up with a game plan to handle our family's comments about his crankiness or sleepiness or whatever. Oh and one more thing, our bedtime routine starts between 7.30 and 8 with R asleep by 8.30-9. We have been doing this for about a month and he is so used to it now that if we miss it one night then he doesn't sleep so well and has a crappy day the next day. How can we make our family understand (cause they won't) that it is important for us to be home by a certain time because life in Pakistan is different. Dinner is usually at 8 which means bedtimes are normally at around 10 or 11. I know that we will get flack for it but still it is very important for us to keep that as part of his routine there. Any thoughts on how to handle all of this?"

There are two entirely separate issues here, but I think one is going to help you deal with the other.

The first issue is the cultural differences between how you're raising R and how your family thinks you should be raising R. This has something to do with going to another country, but not everything. "Cultural differences" manifest even if you live a few blocks away from your family if you and they have different ideas about child-rearing. It's going to hit you particularly hard, though, because you'll be with them for 3 weeks and you won't have your usual routines and resources to support you so far away from your home.

It's going to be tough on this visit. But the good news is that it'll get easier for other visits. It never stops surprising me how food becomes the focus for so much of our emotional issues around children (all family relationships, really), and that's one thing you can "give in" on very easily with an older child (assuming no food allergies). Once R is older you'll be able to hold the line on things that are actually important to you by allowing your family to feed him whatever they want to. When he's 1 1/2 and 3 and 5 it won't matter if he eats junk food for a few days (and he'll just refuse to eat anything he doesn't want).

But back to now. You obviously can't give in on feeding issues with a 6-month-old, but there might be some things that you're willing to release for a few weeks. Think about it and talk about it with your partner, and keep it in mind in case you need to carefully-consider-their-advice-and-decide-that-they-may-be-right. You might not have to, but it's nice to have a Plan B.

Now, the logistics. I don't know where you're flying from, so I don't know which direction you'll be flying. In general, kids seem to have fewer problems adjusting when going east than when going west. So you could be in for a really rough week or so. But I have two pieces of good news about that.

The first is that you have a really solid bedtime routine. You'll be amazed at how much easier that makes things. Even if his body has no idea what time it is, you can do the routine and he'll cue to get closer to sleep. And you can use the jet lag to your advantage. Since you aren't moving to Pakistan permanently, it doesn't matter if you get him on his home schedule at all. So you could try to move him to a later schedule, so that he goes down for the night right before you eat dinner (or right after, if people want to see him during dinner). His body is going to be confused anyway, so you might as well pick something that avoids conflict for the weeks you're there instead of trying to get him onto an identical schedule as at home just to have to go back in a week or two.

The other thing is that he's not going to be a happy kid for at least a few days because of the time change. But even once he's feeling better, you have a free pass for as long as you can milk it because he's a baby with jet lag. Don't hesitate to play that card as much as you need to. He's nursing too much? Oh, he's just needy because of the flight. He wants to be held all the time? It's the jet lag. He wakes up all night? Oh, poor baby has his days and nights mixed up. You're not giving him solids? Oh, he was eating them until the flight--maybe he has some kind of stomach thing from all that recirculated air.

It's my feeling that this is going to be the worst trip you take back to Pakistan, because once he's older many of these issues will have evaporated or changed. And even if you travel later on with a second young baby, R will be older and will distract your relatives from your "strange" baby-care choices with the little one. So knowing that these three weeks are kind of the penalty you'll have to pay to be able to have good visits later, and also the first time you'll be negotiating your boundaries as parents with your family (which will set the tone for the future) might help you be able to deal with it without losing your mind completely.

As far as the flight itself, wear the baby through the airport so you don't have to worry about his being snatched, and use the stroller (if you bring one) as a luggage cart for your carry-ons. Check everything else. Nurse or pacifier on the way up or down. Depending on what kind of mood R is in, either preboard (if he's sleepy or cranky) or wait until the end to get on so you can parade your happy baby down the aisles so people will see him and think of him as a happy kid. That way when he cries on the flight they'll think, "Oh, that sweet little baby is unhappy about something" instead of "Whiny little brat!"

Anyone else have ideas for Zaimah?

Comments

[Kate]

I agree with much of what Moxie says, but I think also that if you expect the trip to be miserable, it will be miserable. You'll be so stressed out before you go that you'll feel every little thing/comment/missed nap, etc. more acutely. But if you trust yourself and your child and expect things to go as smoothly as they can, there's a better chance that they will (or that you'll ride the bumps more gracefully).

And definitely, definitely no matter what your family says, keep the bedtime routine going. I think it's the single most important thing you can do. We have made 6 (flying) trips with our now-9-month-old son, and the bedtime routine saves the day. Yes, it really does comfort him and help him get to sleep, but I think it saves us the parents even more--it's a touchstone for how to get through a day in a new place. Good luck!

[cagey]

As someone who has actually been to Pakistan (pre-kid, in the early 90s while I was a college student) and is hoping to go to India in the next few years with her children, I can't WAIT to read the comments on adjusting to jet lag.

I've traveled quite a bit with my 16 month old so far - they've all been domestic trips, though - we just completed our 8th (9th? I've lost count) trip a few weeks back. I'd like to second the "wearing the baby" advice. I always try to travel as light as possible - when my son was smaller, I would wear him in the Bjorn, push a Combi travel stroller and limit myself to one carry on bag or backpack. The advantage of this is that you have free hands and a free mind (because you aren't worried about "stuff") to focus on your baby, his needs and his entertainment. I had one friend ask for my "secret" for light traveling. It's not a secret, actually - I only take what I will actually USE on the trip. I don't take what I "might" need.

I'd like to urge the traveler to try and have fun on this trip. It's definitely more work to travel with a baby, but it's also fun. It is SO exciting to see your baby's eye widen with curiousity at all the new sights, sounds and smells. Remember to enjoy that!

[Fahmi]

We've resisted going back to Bangladesh for the exact same reason - and I know what you mean about the eating late at night thing. I have a lot of family here, and they were really mad and snarky about the early bedtime we had for our son up until pretty recently. However, we went overseas for my in-laws when our son was 4 months old. We had to endure a lot of grumbling because we would take our son back to our room early for his bedtime and miss out on the family bonding. We ended up shifting it a little later, anyway, to accommodate the time difference and also just that everything was new. One thing that really worked for us, was that he was young enough that we could take him somewhere, have an abbreviated bedtime routine, and let him sleep a bit in the other room. Even with the noise, he generally managed an hour or so, which really helped until we got back to our place and could properly get him down for the night, which eased a lot of the tiredness.

I like Moxie's idea of just shifting his routine later because his body is already confused. On the plane, you can try to follow some of the sleep cues and see if he sleeps on the flight some.

As a kid, I remember my parents not letting me sleep at all during the day after landing (we used to land early morning) so that I will sleep at night - an attempt to force the body in to the day/night routine immediately. It was miserable. Don't do that. Wake the kid up after two hours if you have to, but let the baby sleep a little in the morning and in the afternoon.

And if you are nursing, you are golden. You can blame the nursing and fussiness on how he is so traumatized with the flight and the mass of people he doesn't know.

I have to deal with the same cultural expectations as you - so I feel for you.

[cagey]

Oops - meant to mention, the first 2-3 nights of any trip seems to be the most difficult for our son, by the 3-4th night, he seems to settle into his new surroundings. Kids are tougher than we give 'em credit for.

Also, I remember when I was in Pakistan that I got very overwhelmed by the constant stream of visitors and by everyone that wanted to greet me - and I was in my early 20s. I would expect this to be equally overwhelming for a 6 month old. This is a tough one because your family and friends won't understand why your baby might need some downtime.

[Maria]

On jetlag...I've taken my son with me to Europe twice, once at 12 months and once at 22 months. Granted, it's not as far as Pakistan, but I found he adjusted much better than my husband and I did! I forced him onto the new time right away, adding or subtracting a nap depending on the way we were going. I woke him up during his afternoon nap at 3 or 4, which was his normal wake up time. He was crabby in the afternoon, but he slept the night thru and seemed to be fine the next morning. I also kept his feeding schedule normal for Irish time, not Boston time.

Good luck, safe travels, and enjoy your trip!

[liphovela]

I've taken my son to Africa from California twice-- once when he was 6 months and once when he was about 8 months. I'd say that getting over 10 hours time difference worth of jet lag takes about a week. The first few nights are going to be very rough. We also tried to just force onto the time change right away- but also let him sleep as needed (though never for longer than 3 hours).

One thing about going to the cultural setting in Southern/East Africa that was hard for us (don't know about Pakistan), it that there it is totally expected that everyone can hold the baby. Don't even need to ask. For an American, this is pretty weird. I tried to be basically tolerant of it, but if the baby was truly unhappy, I sort of wrenched him back.

When we were with family, we had the early dinner/ bed time problem too. Basically, we just did what we had to for the baby and then joined the family after he was in bed. I ended up missing a lot of later night sessions because I had to nurse at night etc.

Also-- baby is an awesome excuse to get away from gatherings. This is an upside.

[susan]

we haven't travelled overseas but across Canada, which is far enough. jetlag was still a factor and he was going to sleep around 10pm instead of 7pm but that was ok. our bedtime routine really saved us so as you and everyone has said, stick to yours.

on airplanes, I agree with Moxie, wear your baby in the airport, it's much easier to have your hands free to wheel a luggage cart and hold passports etc. They won't let you take off and land with the baby in the carrier (the logic on this is fuzzy to me: one flight attendant (FA) said it was because in an emergency, people would be grabbing at me so it isn't safe to have the baby in the carrier ... i'd think the opposite but anyway). the Carrier is also handy on the flight if you need to do a lot of walkign up and down the aisles to keep baby happy.

We tried to nurse on take off and landing but it didn't always work i.e. if he was asleep in my arms. The FA would always come by to 'remind' me to hold him in the 'upright burping position' and i'd nod my head ... YOU CAN'T NURSE IN THE UPRIGHT BURPING POSITION. But once you're actually taking off and landing, the FAs are strapped into their own seats and you can do what you want.

I think policies might differ among airlines, but I was told that the info the FAs give you are 'advice' and not rule and that ultimately you can take their advice or not and do what you want. If you don't do as they say they can tell the captain, who is the one in charge and if s/he thinks it's worth stalling the plane and booting you off then s/he will. But it's unlikely.

If you can get a free middle seat, do so. some airlines will give you priority for a free middle seat if their are extra seats available. It makes it way easier. you can also check at the gate if the check-in person can't help.

Oh, on the whole trip, our baboo ONLY pooped ON PLANES. Apparently the pressure can affect this (but I haven't heard any other parents complain of this). Changing and practically bathing your baby after a poop-blowout in the wee airplane bathroom is an adventure in itself and only one parent fits in there when the change table is down.

What do you plan to do for a bed? If you're co-sleeping that will be easy. We have an arms reach co-sleeper and it packs up for travel so he was able to have his same bed for the trip. We tried to keep things as consistent as possible, bed, toys etc.

OVERSTIMULATION. if you can, whisk the babe away for some downtime together (also a good excuse to go and nestle together and feed -- it'll be nice for the babe to unwind with you and for you to unwind from the stress). At the most stressful of my family's we rented a hotel room so that we could escape when the volume and insanity levels rose.

With my parents, early on I said "the most helpful thing you can do is to read the same parenting books that I do so that we can be on the same page" and sent them copies (i.e. Sears' Baby Book). That way there's a doctor-written book that says no food til 6 months or later, breastfeed til they're 2, co-sleep, baby-wear, whatever. I can't say it really worked, but at least I established something with them and they respected that.

But no matter how you cut it, the plane-ride-jet-lag part will pass and is probably the easy part, but the family-meddling-different-cultural-generational-child-rearing problem will be harder to handle. But it's only 3 weeks and your family will be SO happy to see you and your R and you'll have lots of loving arms to hold the babe.

Happy Trails!

[Charisse]

Wow, you all are so brave! I've been worrying about taking my almost-3 year old on her first cross-timezone trip in April. Is it really true that it's easier for kids to go east? It's usually easier for grownups to go west...or is that only true of early rising kids?

We're going from CA to SC, but we have more of a 5-hour difference with the family we're visiting--their daughter is bouncing up at 6 or earlier EST, while ours prefers to get up 8 or 8:30 and will stay up until 9 (or 10 or 11 if she naps) PST. We're thinking just gut it out the first couple days, get up at 8 or 9 Charleston time, no naps (they usually happen only at school anyway) and hope she bonks and adjusts.

[laury]

Apart from the timelag, six months old is a great time to travel. Absolutely wear the baby, and if possible, in a sling type thing so you can sit down wearing it on the plane and keep him suppressed by endless feeding (if he's the kind of kid that needs suppressing). Also helps for naps while you're there. I actually took 2 slings last trip, one for hiking round with and one for holding and nursing.A buggy with a full recline also really helped us for long naps & the first part of the night. The other good thing is you can probably set a slightly different night routine, one that suits you for your trip there, in 2-3 days and he'll work with that. Good luck!

[Audrey]

We've extensively traveled with our almost 2 year old, including several weeks in the UK and in New Zealand. All the advice above is great--I just wanted to second the bedtime-whenever-works option, b/c we loved having our son hang out with everyone (and then sleep late in the morning!) on holidays. And a lifesaver travel item for us was a portable inflatable sleeping mat (we got ours from REI) that's meant for camping. Much easier to travel with than a pack-n-play, and we could take it house-to-house to be able to put down a napping baby in the next room. Good luck!

[Cynthia]

I've had the same experience as Maria in that my daughter adjusts much better to jetlag than my husband and I. I find that she sleeps alot during flights and so is pretty well-rested on arrival, but still enough out of her routine that she can switch to a new one within a couple of days.
We faced the same issue about late mealtimes when we were in Italy recently. I don't know what your sleeping arrangements are, but we took a pack 'n play with us and would simply put our daughter down in an adjoining room and then enjoy a late dinner with our friends. I was worried about the noise waking her, but she slept fine. Babies will often surprise you with their adaptability. And I agree with Moxie that, when faced with family criticism, you can blame it on jetlag and the rigors of travel. I do this with my in-laws and we're only flying through two times zones to visit them! It really takes the pressure off. Best of luck!

[Emily]

Last summer we went to visit my husband's family in Jordan for one month, and our son turned 6 months old while we there. I spent months prior to the trip thinking about many of these same issues.

For a while, I was fully intent on keeping all our routines. Thankfully, a couple weeks before going I realized it would likely be impossible. I told myself that I would simply have to let go, not stress out, go with the flow, and really try to enjoy the 'vacation.' (Vacation - ha!) It was difficult, but once I did, it helped tremendously.

For me, I had to keep in mind that these family members don't see us often. Yes, it can be overwhelming at times - for us, it was especially true in the evening hours when people were constantly dropping in. I highly recommend shifting back the times of your routine, so you can go later into the evenings, and then start your day later in the mornings. Some days the routine will work out, and some days it won't.

Good luck, safe travels, and have a great time!

[Chesney]

We took a 3 week trip to Europe when my son was 5-6 months old. The thing that saved us was we found this stoller/backpack on ebay. I haven't seen a lot of these around but it was great because we could wear him or pull him, we also had a bjorn with us.

As far as sleeping it only took him about 2 nights to get used to the time change and then we just did our best to keep him on schedule.

Now when I look back on the trip I remember the fun things we did, not his sleep schedule.

[Anne]

We traveled with my son from Hawaii to England at about the same age, he turned 6 months on the trip, and we were gone for about the same length of time. I was amazed at how well he dealt with the 11 hour time difference. I really don’t have much else to add but just wanted to second (third) what others including Moxie have already mentioned.

plan for the worse case scenarios (grounded/delayed flights – what will you need to get by) but hope for the best while actually flying (happy baby, maybe an empty seat next to you!)

I cant say enough about how helpful it can be to wear you baby. At the time we took out trip in the States (in Europe it was no problem) they would make me take the baby out of the carrier he was in (we used a Mei Tai BTW) as we passed through security but that has now changed and I wear him and make SURE I’ve got nothing on that will make the metal detector go off. I can’t tell you how much less stressful I feel in having to deal with all the stuff you invariably have to take along when I’ve got my now toddler on my back. I feel so bad for other parents trying to juggle kids/babies, their shoes/coats, and carry on items, I want to rush over and share the joy of baby wearing with them. We did take the stroller on the way over to England and Gate Checked it but it was mostly used to hold “stuff” not baby and on the way back to Hawaii we checked it all the way home.

Nurse, pacifier, bottle feed baby (be sure to have one ready) during take off and landing.

if you have a lot in the way of carry on bags it sometimes is best to pre-board so that you can get settled. When we travel light we always wait so that our son doesn’t get fussy before the plane even takes off.

And like Moxie advises MILK IT! Hey I still do that all the time even when not flying.

You’ll probably be surprised at how well your son does with the time difference, changes to his routine, and new people he meets. It’s amazing how flexible/adaptable these little are. But most importantly have a great trip!

[Anne]

oh and I wanted to add on the Milk It train of thought re. food. I used our trip as an excuse as to why we hadn’t started solids. The hassle, refrigeration issues while flying, stuff like that. I would flat out say, “hay it’s easier just to nurse while on this trip, we’re going to do solids as soon as we get home.”

[Shelley]

We've been to Sweden a few times to visit my Swedish husband's family, and 6 months was actually a good time to travel. The roar of the plane was great as far as getting my daughter to sleep. I do recommend asking your ped for eardrops to dull the pain if your son has problems adjusting to the air pressure, though -- I never had to use them, but it felt so great to know I had them just in case.

We didn't have cultural differences/expectations to contend with, but we did find that it was easy to shift our daughter to a later bedtime and a later get-up time, which worked great for all involved -- after all, we were on vacation. We were truly shocked by how easily she adjusted to the time change. Obviously every kid is different, but it may not be the nightmare you fear.

[Carla Hinkle]

Don't dread the trip -- it will be just fine.

We have traveled to Europe 4 times (from California, so a 9 hour time difference) to see family with our now almost-3 year old daughter, and every time have, as Moxie suggests, used the jet lag to our advantage.

I re-set her clock so that she stayed up with everyone (it is a later-to-eat, later-to-bed culture similar to your relatives). Everyone wanted to see her anyway, and this meant more hands to hold her/play with her and give me a break. (Hey, it was my vacation too!).

Then we all went to bed together -- sometimes as late as 11 -- and, just as importantly, we all SLEPT IN together until 8 or 9. At home I would NEVER do this -- but it works great for vacation and the jet lag meant I could set up her routine for whatever time worked. And seriously, I got some of my best sleep in years this way - 9 or 10 solid hours per night.

I also am a big fan of stoller-naps while traveling. Again, not something I would ever do at home -- but since we were out during the day all the time, I let her fall asleep in the stroller in the afternoon and it made sightseeing much easier for us.

Routines are great, but as Moxie says, don't feel the need to identically replicate the home routine when abroad. You can have a "vacation routine" that works just as well.

PS this summer, while in Italy when it was 90+ degrees and I was 3 months pregnant and it was too hot to do ANYTHING, our routine was to go back to the house from 1-4 and collapse, letting my daughter watch hours of DVDs while I lay on the couch and tried to keep my lunch down. Again, not what I would do at home but it worked so we did it!

[Caroline]

Yes, I second the airplane pressure = crazy poop thing. Bring one more outfit than you think you need.

We flew from San Francisco to South Africa when our daughter was 9 months. As strange as it may sound, none of us suffered at all from jetlag. The trip was so long (12 hours to London, 3 hours there, 12 more to Cape Town) that by the time we got there we were so confused and exhausted that you could have told us it was any time of day and we would have believed it. We arrived mid-morning, took a nap that afternoon, and went to bed at a pretty normal time. And then we were completely OK. Go figure.

I also have friends who took their 7 or 8 month old from San Francisco to Israel, and it all went off without a hitch, except for a few days of very early mornings when they got back home. So think positive, you never know.

We flew on British Airways, which seats you in the bulkhead, and there's something like a giant tray table that folds down and they strap the baby's seat or bed to that, for during the flight, not take-off and landing. They had two different options for the babies, one's a semi-upright thing like a bouncy seat, one's a flat bassinet. On the way there we had the upright one for both legs, which did NOT work for our girl. She did not sleep. 5 hours total for the 27 hour journey. Didn't cry, but needed constant entertainment. So on the way back I politely asked every person in a British Airways uniform if they could please find me a flat bassinet. Which they did, and she slept the whole way home.

While we were there we also put her on a late-to-bed, late-to-rise schedule, which worked great. And Charisse, whenever we go from CA to NY, which is all the time, we don't to any time adjustment at all. We figure CA work/school time is the same as NY vacation time, so it's really easy. Except for those judgmental New Yorkers wondering why your baby is out at 10 pm. :)

[Montage]

One way of relieving jet lag for both adults and young ones involves a simple acupressure technique. It's described at www.jetlagpassport.com.

[Jen]

Oh man... I've not taken overseas trips with my little one, but we did our share of domestic flights.

But more of where I want to offer some advice is the crazy family dynamic area. My inlaws do everything different than we do. TV constantly, fried food daily, no set bedtimes, etc. (Those were the most glaring differences). To this day, their comments needle me in a soft spot and I'm left upset by their insensitivity (or misunderstanding) of how we do things. It's frustrating. What helped was to let my husband bear the brunt of cutting comments short with his family. If you're traveling to see both sets, each of you could take on the responsibility of being the "explainer" for your family. That way, you only have to defend or explain your choices half the time. It's worth it.

You and your partner need to discuss and be on the same page with everything or the stress of feeling alone will drive you batty.

The other thing to realize is that while they're driving you insane with their questioning and skepticism, you are only there for a finite amount of time and even if your baby is adjusted to be a little off kilter for a few weeks, he's little enough that he'll be back to normal within a month of being home. (Sadly, I do imagine that it might take that long to be completely normal again). With that being said, and the fact that your families don't see y'all that often, it's wise to follow Moxie's advice and pick your battles. You'll be much less stressed.

Above all? You're doing what is best for your little one AND your immediate family. That's more important than anything.

[hedra]

Late, but with no access during the week anymore, I hope not TOO late...

The only tip I have on jet lag is to expose yourself and baby to early morning sunlight every day once you get there. 7 AM ish kind of sunlight. Even if baby is sleeping during it, it will help reset the clock to 'this is morning' (though adjust that for sleep time needed for the later dinner hour).

When we've traveled with kids, we've just assumed that they'd let us know when they were tired, and we'd work with that. For most trips, we go the other way (east coast to west). The sunlight thing really seems to help get them adjusted, though.

For the airplane, bring scented wipes even if you don't usually use them. The scent of baby wipe is carefully formulated to mask poopy smells. If you get a particularly nasty poop/blowout or even a big puke, just whip out a wipe and wave it a little as you proceed to the line for the bathroom (having done the overseas long flights with lots of families going to the Phillipines and Hong Kong, the lines can get LONG once you get part-way there, mostly with upset and puking children). The wipe will save you from other kids' smells, as well as saving others from yours. It is a small kindness. Don't overdo it, though! (I have asthma, too...)

I'm not sure how much I'd milk anything at this point in my motherhood career. I'd just push back, and say 'this is how we're doing it. It may seem strange, but it is just a cultural difference between your ways and ours, and not personal.' I'd also do a lot of mommy-questions, like you're interviewing them for their advice. They're going to want to give it anyway, so take it as a sociology or anthropology project. Ask, ask, ask! Ask what they do for fevers, teething, night-waking. Nod and discuss and show interest in their approach, share yours, always act impressed at how different ways work for different people, and there are SO many answers out there, and so many different kinds of kids, and isn't it AMAZING that humans grow up in such different ways, and all seem to turn out okay? You may even find some ideas that help you out at some point. But the main point is that you're going to be code-switching between your home 'language' (culture/interests) and theirs, but the code you have in common is parenthood. Talk it. Move into the 'we're all in this wild parenthood trip together' zone. Get excited about your parenthood, and theirs. Ask how your extended family members were as kids, look for common personality traits, laugh over funny things babies and kids do, the whole bit. Jump in. They may find YOU a bit overwhelming if you do it fully, but they'll also be flattered that you're interested, that you're listening, etc. If they ask why you're not trying it, say you wouldn't want to change anything he's used to while things are already so different and confusing for him. And then go right back to asking them questions about something else that might come up (hey, sleep regressions are always a good topic!), how they handle that...

Good luck, have fun! And remember, at the end of it, you'll be going home without them. :)

[Amanda]

Wow.

In my head, I have been drafting this very question. My husband and I will be travelling to Morocco in June - our baby will be 6 1/2 months when we leave. We are planning to stay 4 or 5 weeks with his family and travel around near the Sahara so I can visit my host family (I was in the Peace Corps so this sort of thing isn't new).

BUT I am completely freaked out about it. One thing that hasn't been mentioned is heightened flight anxiety. I have been flying on planes all my life and love it -- but now with a baby, I feel a creeping anxiety and irrational fear about crashes, etc. Is it advisable to both wear the baby, nurse, etc and take a few doses of Valium? Heh.

Also dreading the evil-looks of death from fellow passengers. I am embarrassed to admit that there was a time that I rolled my eyes when a baby came on board and thought, Damn, please do not sit near me. Our little one is -ahem- active and VOCAL to say the least and I am worried about that.

Another question I'm wondering about is the sit-in-the-lap vs. buying a whole other seat. The latter is safer but obviously more expensive. Is sitting in the lap really a bad thing?

Also, I am worried about the hot climate in Morocco -- it will be 100-130 degrees while we are there. No air conditioning. Obviously, babies make it unscathed through these harsh summers, but I am still worried about my little guy as he is half Irish and has been within the confines of climate-contolled indoors all his little life.

Thanks Moxie and others for at least starting me on the path to figuring this all out! I do look forward to travelling with a baby, overall.

[Zaimah]

Thanks everyone for some great advice! I am glad to hear that it is not too much of a horror. My son is a pretty mellow kid overall and so I am hoping he will continue with his mellowness on the plane and once we get there.
I am going to try now for the next 3 weeks until we leave to calm myself down and change my perspective because you guys are right- if i am stressed then it will be much worse.
Thanks Moxie and all. This blog is my sanity most days.

[Michelle]

i flew solo with my DS when he was 7 months. Here's my tips....

check everything but the diaper bad/purse. It is so much easier to deal with baby if you aren't dealing with your luggage.

in your diaper bag, pack as if the plane will be delayed. make sure you have extra diapers, formula, and water. bring a dew favorite toys, blanket, and two sets of clothes. if you use placifers, have a bunch in case you lose or drop some.

we bottle fed so i had plenty of nipples, bottle liners, formula (in a premeasured containers) and a big bottled water. i mixed it as we needed it.

for security, you can go in the short line or handicapped line if you have a baby with you.

You can wheel your stroller and carseat right up to the gate of the plane. i couldn't baby wear (20 pound baby & a bad back)so i strolled him around with ease. you give your stoller up on the ramp and at your destination they bring it to the ramp. very easy. i had him in his carrier and clicked him in and went on my way.

before the plane took off, i'd take him out of his carrier and put down a blanket and some toys for play time. i think we sat and played for at least an hour. i got on the plane last so he was free to move as long as possible. helped to tire him out and got him ready for his bottle and nap on the flight.

on takeoff, either feed the baby or give him a bottle to suck on. the sucking action keeps his ears from hurting. no sucking and his ears will hurt and he's going to cry. if you start to desend, grap your bottle and put it in his mouth even if he is asleep. he will wake up and start to eat. if the dottle doesn't wake him a bit, his ears hurting will.

if you think the flight won't be full, don't buy an extra seat. ask at the gate if tehy can seat you next to an empty seat. But if it will be packed, get the seat. it is just safer. would you take him in a car and hold him? no, so same rules apply. most airlines will give you a half off discount for the baby.

Also, make sure your carrier is approved for aircraft and it has a sticker stating it. they will check when you get on the plane.

and lastly, dress your son in the cutest outfit you own. Everyone loves a cute baby.

[Emily]

I can't believe how many people just within the realm of this blog are going to be going through this same very specific ordeal (or adventure, depending on how you want to see it :). Same exact situation for me, in May: six-month old son, going, in this case, from
Europe (Germany) to the midwest of the US for a three-week visit.

I've already gotten a ton of really good ideas (and have spontaneously just decided to invest in an Ergo baby carrier after all, even though I already have a sling), but I was wondering if anyone out there had gone west, as it was speculated a couple of times that going east is easier. Why is that, and does anyone have any advise for going west? I'm not really all that worried about the trip, strangely enough, since I tend to be a bit of a worrier (and I don't have the same cultural problems that Zaimah is facing, at least not from my immidiate family), but I figure this topic is too good to pass up - hopefully I'm not too late! I've had a houseguest all weekend, so I never got a chance to post, even though I saw this on Friday!:)

Thanks to all the world travelers for the encouraging thoughts! I traveled with my parents a lot as a (very)little kid - Dem. Rep. of Congo and Europe, so pretty long trips - and if I remember correctly, we always got over the jet-lag more quickly than our poor parents, so I guess I can kind of relate from the other end of things, so to speak. Maybe that's why I'm not so nervous - I'm certainly glad I got used to traveling long distances as a little little kid - now it doesn't seem like a big deal at all to travel, which I'm really thankful for. So hopefully that is a bit of encouragement, too, for all those set to travel, especially if it will be the first of many visits (to see family, for example): you are giving your child the gift of being able to see traveling less stressfully, and, in some ways, helping them to be more flexible in their world view, by showing them other cultures at really young age, making acceptance of differences just a natural, very tangible thing.

In that vein, I think that the comments about changing the baby's schedule for vacation time really valid - even for the baby, it will eventually just make sense - not this time around, but in subsequent trips - that in Pakistan, you do some things the Pakistani way, while back at home, you do them completely differently. I know it doesn't really apply to a six-month old, but it' maybe something to think about for the future, when you're stressing out because things are so different, culturally. When you start experiencing both cultures from a really early age, it's just par for the course, you just accept the differences more easily. I know that it was that way for me as a kid - in Congo, there weren't as many toys/candy/etc, so we played outside more. Or: the sun went down at 6 and there was only an hour of electricity, so we had a fairly early bedtime; but that was totally normal to me,even though I had experienced things differently in the states, because I had gotten used to being flexible at such a young (infant) age. So I guess what I'm saying is the earlier and more often you go, the easier it will probably be when your kid gets older and starts understanding more.

[Amy]

I haven't read through the comments, so forgive me if this is all a repeat. I traveled to London with a 16 month old once (notice the "once"!). I know the trip wasn't as far nor my son so young as yours, but here's my experience.

As for worrying about the difference in schedules, just put him on a Pakistani schedule with late nights and late mornings... he's too little to know the difference and since jet lag will be a problem when you come home you can combine the two struggles (jet lag and getting back to an American schedule all at once).

As for the cultural feeding issues... my Mexican former in-laws were *always* telling me how I was doing it wrong when it came to feeding and caring for my children. My former husband rarely defended me which made it even harder when we were all together for extended periods of time in Mexico. I'd say have a long talk with your husband right now about how much support you'll need from him. He probably won't get the flack... you will... but you'll need him to be there for you so that you can handle it smoothly.

[lara]

we just got back from taking our 6 mo old to europe from the east coast for two weeks. i was worried about the jet lag but he moved pretty smoothly into the time zone there. we exposed him to lots of sunshine and limited day naps to 2 hours. i was prepared to have to nurse him more frequently at night which i did have to do, but this was not really a problem. he recovered pretty well when we returned too.

we did not get the crib on the plane but apparently it is only 24 inches long, and he would not have fit. i nursed him on the flight and he slept across our laps most of the trip on the way over (since it was night). the return flight (during the day) was more of a challenge but my husband and i had two seats on the side and it worked out ok.

we did not start solids until we just returned and i am glad with our decision. it was SO much easier to just be breastfeeding and although my family did keep pushing the solids, we resisted and i am glad.

inevitably, in the evenings, we went out every night for dinner around 7 or 8 so we could not stick around the flat with our sleeping baby. so, we had such a tight bedtime routine in the states, that we modified it a bit - we were sure to be in the apartment to give a quick bath, pjs, book, and feeding. when he got drowsy, we plopped him into the stroller and off we went to dinner and he slept through most anything until we came home and i had to move him to his crib. not the most ideal sleeping scenario, but it let mom and dad have fun!

[Shelley]

Goodness, just thought of another crucial tip -- in your carry-on baggage you need to have a couple of extra outfits for your baby, DO NOT FORGET a change of shirt for you and your husband. Otherwise you could wind up like me, in a vomit-encrusted sweatshirt for 4 hours on a plane. Acck.