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MoxieTopics

  • MoxieTopics
    Short PDF ebooks on specific parenting topics, in-depth and focused

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Comments

Her Bad Mother

Oooh, this is a sensitive one. We're just approaching 4-months, and there's been a bit of foolin' around, but for the most part, the tiredness just overcomes too much to get much further than that.

And? Cycle just started again, things were looking good, but then Baby immediately hit a spurt or regression and now the tired is - if this is possible - even worse.

But we're holding out hope. If I can just get some sleep again soon, we'll be getting back at it.

Just thought I'd add to the TMI...

anon for this

I think that the Mirena IUD I had installed after having the baby also did a number on my libido. Recently had it removed, getting ready to try for #2. I'm feeling much closer to being interested. #1 is 18 months and nursing still.

Jessie

I have no personal perspective to share (no kids yet...which is not to imply that there's a sex goddess living in my house. In fact, she doesn't even visit my house that often). Thanks for your funny and frankly honest perspective on the topic. I didn't think it was TMI, or even slightly "eeesh".
Basically--and I was going to say this even before you asked for comments--Moxie, you're my hero. I really admire your mix of intelligent advice, empathy, humor, all held aloft by excellent writing. Your light? SO not hidden under a bushel.
OK, I'm done now, back to the important subject at hand!

Anon

For me the reason was simple -- after having a baby attached to me day and night, I didn't want anyone else near me when I actually had a moment all to myself. I craved alone time so much and wanted to feel like my body was mine alone that I couldn't stand the thought of sex for almost an entire year. Once I got my normal cycle back, things did start to change, but it is still not like it used to be - which is fine with me (not so fine for my husband, but...)

Anon for now

My child is about the same age as the reader who originally posed the question, and we are not getting jiggy with it here very often.

My husband's been reasonably understanding about the fact that I might prefer sleep to sex (since I'm the one handling all the nighttime duties), but he's a little less understanding when I would rather watch Seinfeld reruns than have sex. Yadda yadda yadda.

oh me too anon

Um. Haven't nursed for almost eight months and I still have little groove. We've decided to just do it once a week or else we can go a really long time without it and that's just sad. I have never had the greatest sex drive, but infertility and then childbirth, nursing, etc. snuffed out whatever flame was there. You're right about the glories of the sex date--with small people in your house it's just too hard to wait till the mood strikes and assume you'll have privacy and time when it does.

Shy for now

This is good stuff :-)

My poor husband. I was so tired, touched-out, no drive, post-c-section, breastfeeding, AP-bonding hormonal forever. Like a year. Once I got over that (mostly) and my kiddo gave up one middle of the night feeding (of several) WHAM! I got pregnant. (As my OB said, "If you don't want to be pregnant, don't go off birth control." Good advice. Another OB in his practice said to me at my 8 week dating ultrasound, "Wow, I've never seen anyone get pregnant while they were still nursing so much." Uhhh.....)

For some odd reason, months 3-4-5-5.5 of my pregnancy brought my libido back. But in the morning only. By the time night came I was toasted. We adjusted; 5 AM was a good time for me, so it became a good time for him. But then I started feeling very pregnant (read: whale-like) and all I wanted to do was sleep, which wasn't an easy task.

And now we're going to go through the whole thing again. I'm saving to buy my husband a medal. Or maybe an HD-ready tv.

Ann

I sent the link to my boyfriend. I tried to explain why I'm not in the mood but you say it so much better. :-) (our daughter is 4 months old now)
Ann

erika

How funny. I just sent the link to my husband. ;) Sophie is 4.5 months old.

Lisa V

Wait it comes back ? Oh shit, I've been using this excuse for 14 years.

Kate

Ha... when I went to see my OB/GYN when my son was 9 months old, I asked him how long it would take my sex drive to come back, to be normal, like it used to be. He laughed and told me that "normal" as I knew it is gone forever. THIS is normal now. Of course we had tons of sex BB (before baby)... that's all we had to do in the evenings!

It'll get better.

observer

You would think you'd use a different blog format than the dating site where you claim to be a 37 year old single woman who has no children and has never been married. How many people do you pretend to be?

Moxie

Observer, I'm not sure what you mean. My only other blog is my personal blog. I'm 33, married, with 2 kids. That's no secret.

anon for this

It does come back in spurts. I'm also one of those that feels all tired, touched out, just plain ol' not that interested. I marvel alone time. I get recharged.

The sex date idea is great though Moxie! Happy husband, and happy wife.

Linda

Funny, Observer. Yeah, "Moxie," how many people DO you pretend to be? And why do you hate freedom so much? Is it because you don't believe in the REAL straw berry?

I find it interesting that so many people are anonymous on this. I will tell you all free and clear that it took a good year for us to get near normal again. My periods started again when I was almost done weaning and that definitely made a huge difference.

I hate the "6 week" mark. I felt like we should be having sex a couple times/week by then. Considering I had 2 babies, was breastfeeding all the time, and had an almost 3rd degree tear that wasn't quite healed, I will honestly admit that I felt a HUGE wave of relief when my OB told me that I should wait a few more weeks. Now I think, "A few more WEEKS?"

Anyway, now my girls are almost 2 and while our sex life still has fits and spurts, we're pretty much back on track.

Elise

I was definitely weird - we started again after 6 or 7 weeks, and it was pretty much back to the way it had been before. But I haven't talked to a lot of people who had that experience.

Rayne of Terror

My cycle returned 10 weeks pp and my libido CERTAINLY didn't come back then. At 14 months I'm still nursing 4-6 times a day (and night) and am not in the "groove." We schedule so we are looking forward and the whole day has a little extra charge. Like yesterday was Steak and a blow job day, so I emailed my hubs after lunch to let him know I'd picked up strip steak for dinner and he was so thrilled. And then so was I.

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  • My expertise is in helping people be who they want to be, with a specialty in how being a parent fits into everything else. I like people. I like parents. I think you're doing a fantastic job. The nitty-gritty of what you do with your kids is up to you, although I'm happy to post questions here to get data points of how you could try approaching different stages, because, let's face it, this shit is hard. As for me, I have two kids who sleep through the night and can tie their own shoes. I've been a married SAHM, a married freelance WAHM, a divorcing WOHM, a divorced WOHM, and now a WAHM again. I'm not buying the Mommy Wars and I'll come sit next to you no matter how you're feeding your kid. When in doubt, follow the money trail. And don't believe the hype.
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